Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 97633 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 488(@200wpm)___ 391(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97633 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 488(@200wpm)___ 391(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
He already knew Brandt was going to say no, but needing to offer as he lay there alone in the camper, fighting the urge to go back regardless of what Brandt said.
No. I want you to win. Tell me which songs you’re going to do.
And so he did, letting Brandt suck him into a discussion of which of his songs that Brandt had heard over the weeks might be the best fit to showcase both his voice and his songwriting abilities. He’d settled on the one he’d written last winter in Nashville, about being lonely in a crowd. The coffee shop crowd had liked it well enough, and it had gotten him the gig with Tim’s group. Even after deciding, he kept texting back and forth with Brandt about silly stuff, neither of them saying a damn thing that mattered, until Jewel woke up, and Shane finally drifted off, feeling even more alone. He should have been there, helping Brandt get Jewel back to sleep.
* * *
Shane missed Brandt. And Jewel. But as he tuned his guitar in a quiet hallway of a Portland auditorium, it was Brandt he missed most. His smell. His taste. His laugh. The way he had of crowding into Shane and pulling him close, his nearness a form of affection. Right up until the moment he’d shown Shane the door.
Not that Shane blamed him exactly and not that Brandt had slammed that door shut. He’d said he wasn’t shoving Shane away, and he kept talking about things maybe working out. However, Shane knew better than to trust those sorts of wishes. Brandt’s priority had to be Jewel and what was best for that situation, and if he and Shane still got to hook up when Shane was back in town, well that was a nice bonus. True partnership seemed like a pipe dream.
Except for the part where Shane’s head kept buzzing with a half-finished love song, lines that couldn’t decide whether they were sweet or mournful. He’d known better than to fall for Brandt Wilder, yet he had. Hell, maybe it had been an inevitability from the first time he’d smiled in Shane’s direction. Shane’s hands ached from clenching the steering wheel the whole way to Portland, and his guitar strumming was tighter than usual, clumsy fingers missing notes that usually came as easily as breathing.
He’d suffered through a rehearsal where the celebrity judges weren’t present, and he’d navigated the wardrobe and makeup folks. TV was a whole new ballgame for him, the number of people fussing over the competitors. The thing was probably rigged, with the showrunners already knowing who was going to get the nod to go to LA. He’d heard enough about these kinds of shows from others in the industry to be rather skeptical of his chances, even if he performed to his best, which in his current state of misery was doubtful. But he was still going to try. He’d promised Brandt.
Buzz. Setting the guitar aside, he fished out his phone. Not Brandt. The new messages were Tim and Elaine wishing him luck. He’d had an earlier one from Macy wanting to know if he’d seen Shelby and if she was safe. The saltier part of him had given serious thought to not replying, but the nicer part had sent a quick one that as far he knew she was still in central Oregon giving Brandt a hard time.
Still holding his phone, his thumb landed on his photo gallery. The last ones were from his birthday. Brandt’s cake. And there was Jewel, looking so much bigger at three months than she had at two. Chubby cheeks now and a drooly grin. One of Brandt holding her as she reached for his hair. Who knew what tricks she’d be doing next time Shane saw her? The look in Brandt’s eyes was new too, the softness there as he gazed at the baby. The only other time Shane had seen him look like that was...
That was something. Brandt all dreamy and sleepy post sex, the way he always gazed up at Shane like he’d performed some miracle. Maybe Brandt did feel something real for him after all, affection that lingered. But if that was the case, why was it so easy for Brandt to let him go? Shane looked down at the picture again, tempted to text it to him simply to have the excuse to make contact.
Between the two of them, they probably already had dozens of pictures of Jewel. Way more than Brandt had of himself—
Oh. Of course Brandt wasn’t going to be the one to hold on. No one had held on to him. Including you, the voice in his head reminded him. You went. He’d assumed Brandt was only too happy to push him away, but that affection in Brandt’s eyes wasn’t something a person could fake. And here was Shane showing him yet again that people left simply because Shane hadn’t wanted to trust. Still wasn’t sure he could, but hell if he was going to be one more thing in Brandt’s life that moved on.