Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 81255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
I found out after that phone call that it was the first time Kim had ever even had a conversation with her birth mom. She hadn’t returned any of Kim’s calls since Kelly’s death, and it wasn’t until she needed money that she reached out. During that call, I could see the hurt and disappointment on her face, but I could also see her strength and resilience as well.
“I don’t even know what I will say to her when I meet her. What was it like when you met your birth mom?” she asks, and my jaw tightens. I told her and her parents one night over dinner about my sister and me being adopted. Kim had already known from our mutual friends about my history, but she had never heard it from me, and I knew it was important to tell her, because it was one more thing that bound us together.
“I never met her. I never wanted to meet her,” I confess, and she pulls back to look at me.
“But Nalia?”
“She flew out on her own to meet her. I never had the urge to connect with Sharon.”
“You weren’t even curious about her?”
“I’ve seen pictures, read about her background. There’s nothing else I want to know.”
“Oh.” She goes quiet for a moment then drops her eyes to her fingers that are twiddling with the cross between my pecs. “I thought when I first found out about my adoption that I was missing out on family.”
“You have a family.”
“I know I have my parents, but I thought I was missing out on having my blood family. When I met Kelly, I learned quickly that I hadn’t missed out on anything,” she whispers, and I know this is something she’s been struggling with the last few days.
She and her sister didn’t have a good relationship, and now that Kelly is gone, she will never have the chance to build one with her. “I know I shouldn’t think it, but I’m grateful that my mom chose to give me up. I don’t know how she chose which one of us she would put up for adoption, but I’m glad it was me,” she says as tears start to fall slowly down her cheeks and onto my abs. “I got lucky. I just wish I could have shown Kelly what love is. I wish I could have convinced her that I cared about her, that I didn’t want to use her, that I didn’t want to hurt her, and that I just wanted her to be in my life. I hate knowing I will never get to do that.”
“Shhhh,” I hush her, tucking her face back against my chest.
“How can I face the woman who made Kelly the person she was, a person who didn’t think she deserved a good life and love?” she begs. Christ, my throat gets tight, and I wrap my hand around her skull as she sobs, wishing I could change that for her and for Kelly, wishing there was something I could do to make this better or easier for her. “I hate her. I know it’s wrong, but I still hate her.”
“You have a right to feel the way you feel about your birth mom. No one understands more than you what Kelly missed out on by growing up the way she did,” I assure, and she nods then wraps her arms around my middle.
“Thank you.”
Kissing the top of her hair, I run my hands soothingly down her back and under the tee she has on then feel her body relax completely against me. Knowing she’s asleep and there isn’t room on the couch for the two of us, I stand with her tucked against me. Seeing her dad looking out through a crack in my guest room door as I head down the hall with her asleep in my arms, I lift my chin and he does the same in return as I move past him.
Kim’s parents both had questions about our relationship when they showed up at her place to find me there, so I explained to them that Kim and I were seeing each other but taking it slow, leaving out the “for now” part of that statement. They don’t need to know the depth of my feelings for their daughter until she knows herself how I feel. I had already known I cared about her before, but when I heard she was dead, my heart stopped beating, making me realize even though we hardly know each other, my heart had at some point claimed her as its own.
Gritting my teeth, I look down at the woman in my arms. It’s too soon for me to make my intentions clear, especially with everything that has happened, but she is mine, and will be until the day I die if I get my way.