Total pages in book: 63
Estimated words: 60576 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 303(@200wpm)___ 242(@250wpm)___ 202(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60576 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 303(@200wpm)___ 242(@250wpm)___ 202(@300wpm)
“Were you and my mother having an affair?”
I blurt the words, unable to help it.
Paul’s mouth tightens before he nods sharply.
“I’m sorry,” I go on. “I know this must be difficult, but I just ... I need answers. So many things feel wrong about my life, and I spent most of it thinking my mother died in an accident, only to find out her death was ruled as a suicide.”
“She didn’t kill herself,” Paul growls, his voice low. “She would have never left you willingly.”
My heart aches. “I’m starting to believe that, and I guess we both know who was behind her death, but I want to know why.”
“How much do you know about your father’s past?”
I shake my head. “Only the lies he told me.”
“It was dark. Your mother told me all about him. He was raised with a mother who was free with herself, so to speak. His father, who he believed was a good man, worked and did everything he could to provide for his family, only to have her constantly going around with other men behind his back. He knew about it, and, eventually, it got to be so much that he took his own life, leaving his kids with her. She couldn’t handle them, so she threw them into the system and never looked back.”
Oh.
I never knew that.
He always told me he had great parents who died of old age before I could meet them.
Is every single thing he told me a lie?
“So, when he found out about your mom and me ... Well, you can imagine how that went.”
My brain spins as I try to process what he is saying.
“Why did she cheat on him? Did he hurt her?”
Paul shakes his head. “As far as I know, he didn’t abuse her. But he was emotionally distant, cold at times and could be incredibly controlling. We met, and it was by complete chance that we grew a bond. She didn’t want to cheat on him, and she tried everything she could to make it stop, but we had a love that ... I can’t explain it. I know it was wrong, but I will never regret loving her.”
“He found out?”
Paul nods. “She was going to call it off with me. She said she had to try for her marriage, for you, and that she needed to be a good wife and do what she had promised. I was heartbroken, and I went out, drank a little too much and showed up at your house. He was at work, I knew he was, but he came home early and caught me there. Everything came out, and days after that, she was gone.”
My stomach twists, a sick feeling swimming in my chest.
It’s so hard for me to picture the man I grew up with being so cold that he killed his own wife within days of finding out she cheated.
“He was always so good to me,” I croak, pressing a hand to my chest. “I just ... I never saw that side to him.”
“Were you really looking?” Paul questions, carefully.
I snap my head up.
“I’m not trying to upset you, Mera. But you were a child, no doubt off in your own happy world, enjoying your friends and school. It’s very easy for parents to hide the depths of their problems from children.”
“Even after she was gone, he took care of me. Sure, he was never overly affectionate, but he took care of me.”
Paul looks sympathetic. “Because in his eyes, you are an innocent and he had a chance to make you into the kind of woman his mother and, according to him, your mother weren’t.”
A thought pops into my mind. “Do you think the women he killed were cheating on their husbands?”
Paul nods. “They were. Haven’t you read anything about his confessions?”
I stare down at my hands. “No, I haven’t looked at a single thing. I ran and never looked back, but I realized my life was on a constant spiral downward and I had to deal with all of this.”
“Do yourself a favor, read about it. You might learn some things.”
I make a note to do that.
Pushing to my feet, I offer a kind smile. “Thank you for talking to me, and for whatever it’s worth, thank you for loving my mother the way that you did.”
His eyes flash, and the emptiness inside him shines across his dull and worn-out face. Once, I have no doubt Paul was striking. It hurts to see that life has sent him down this path.
“She would be proud of you, Mera. You were her whole world.”
I force a smile, but the truth is, I have so little memory of her. Most of it my therapist has told me is probably trauma blocked, so I hope one day I get those memories back.