Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 79603 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 398(@200wpm)___ 318(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79603 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 398(@200wpm)___ 318(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
At first, she had told herself the big Nightwalker was just still tired and healing from his surgery. But his wounds were closed completely and he moved without any pain. In fact, he went running around the common area parklands in the center of the ship every morning for an hour and a half. Surely if he could run that much without any problem, he could make love to his wife—right?
Wrong, apparently. Because J’are was always making excuses not to do it. Imani, hurt, had retreated and stopped trying. She would have given up all together, if not for the fact that every now and then she caught him looking at her with lust glowing in those pale green—lust and a longing so deep it nearly stopped her heart.
It was clear to her that J’are still wanted her—wanted her as much as she wanted him.
So what was stopping him?
Imani didn’t know, but she abruptly decided to find out—both about the sex (or lack thereof) and his continued refusal to go into his feral state. She thought the two might be connected, though she couldn’t prove it.
Well, no time like the present, she told herself. Rather than enduring another lonely night of hurt and rejection, she was going to get to the bottom of this—right now.
“Hi, baby,” she said, sitting down beside him on the couch in front of the fireplace. It was a clean device which generated no waste, and warm blue and green flames were crackling quietly in the hearth. J’are was staring into the shifting flames with a strained look on his face.
“Hmmm?” He looked up at her for a moment and then back to the fire. “Hello,” he muttered.
“It’s evening—after dark. At least, it would be on a planet,” Imani pointed out. “Shouldn’t you be feeling frisky by now?”
“Frisky?” He frowned, clearly not understanding the Earth euphemism.
“You know, frisky. Wild. Feral,” she emphasized. “It’s nighttime—shouldn’t your feral side be dominant right now?”
J’are frowned.
“No.” he said shortly. “I don’t do that anymore.”
“What?” Imani frowned at him. “You can’t just stop doing something that’s part of your nature!”
“I can and I have,” he said firmly.
“Why?” Imani asked reasonably.
“I was in my feral state for more than three solar months when I was in the hole on Yonnie Six,” he said, still not looking at her. “I’ve had enough of it for a while. Besides…” He cleared his throat. “I like to be in my thinking mind when I’m around you.”
Imani frowned.
“And why is that?”
“You know why.” J’are still wouldn’t look at her.
“No, I don’t until you tell me.” Imani crossed her arms over her chest. “You might as well spit it out—I’m not leaving until you do.” She arched an eyebrow at him. “Well?”
“I don’t want to go feral because I hurt you the last time I did, all right?” J’are threw her a tense glance. “You know that, Imani—you heard me swear I would never go feral again.”
She frowned.
“I remember you saying something like that in the court room, but things were so crazy at the time I didn’t even think about it.” She shook her head. “You can’t just cut off a part of yourself because of one incident, you know.”
“That incident as you call it, was me bonding you to me against your will,” J’are growled. “I’m not going to risk anything like that happening again, all right?”
Imani was beginning to get the picture but she wanted to make sure she had it right.
“So you won’t go feral because you’re afraid it will make you want to make love to me?” she said slowly, spelling it out. “And I’m guessing you’re avoiding making love with me because you’re afraid it will make you go feral. Am I right?”
J’are nodded reluctantly.
“That’s…pretty much it.”
“But J’are, don’t you see—that’s a vicious cycle,” Imani protested. “You won’t go feral so you don’t lose control and you won’t lose control—sexually at least—because you’re afraid to go feral. And in the meantime, we haven’t made love once since our bonding night and I miss you.”
He turned towards her at last and she saw that agony in his pale green eyes.
“Gods, Imani, I miss you too. And I want you—so fucking much! But I don’t dare touch you—I’m afraid I’ll hurt you like I did last time.”
“You didn’t hurt me,” Imani countered. “You did bond me but it wasn’t painful, J’are. Even in your feral form, you weren’t cruel.”
“I don’t care,” he said stubbornly. “I don’t want to risk it. I’m sorry, Imani, but I’d rather never go feral again than lose control and hurt you.”
Imani felt her heart swell. Lots of guys wouldn’t have given a damn if they hurt her, as long as they got what they wanted. But J’are loved her—loved her so much, he was willing to deny his own needs and his own nature!