Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 94687 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 473(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 316(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94687 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 473(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 316(@300wpm)
“There’s nothing to figure out. I’m leaving.”
“But . . . but what about your coaching job?”
His expression was grim. “I already blew it.”
“How?”
“I got into a fight with the asshole dad. I’m sure I’m already fired.”
“Can they do that? Just because of an argument?”
“It was more than an argument, April. I punched the guy. In a public place. Yet another embarrassment. I don’t even know why you’d want me to stay.”
I felt like I was in quicksand. “Don’t run away from this. We’ll get through it, Tyler. I don’t care what people say. Let them talk.”
“You think that now, but I promise you, it wears you down until you hate getting up in the morning.” He exhaled through his nose, jaw clenched tight. “And eventually you’ll hate me for it.”
“No, I won’t! Can’t we at least—”
“I’m sorry, April. This is all my fault.” With that, he shouldered by me and headed for the door.
I followed him on trembling legs. “So that’s it? You’re just going to leave?”
“I’ve got no choice.”
“But . . . what about us? What about all those things you imagined sharing with me? What about that life you envisioned?” Catching up with him, I grabbed his arm and yanked him around. “Don’t you feel something for me?”
He swallowed, his expression tortured. “You know I do,” he whispered. “I’ve never felt for anyone the things I feel for you.”
I shook his arm. “Then look at me, Tyler. Look me in the eye and admit you do have a choice, and you’re choosing to run away out of fear of what some stupid jerks will say. You’re choosing them over me.”
He shook his head, his eyes full of pain and longing. “I’m choosing to leave in order to spare you and Chip a lot of pain. I’m not who you think I am.”
Tears streamed down my cheeks. “You know what? Maybe you’re right. Maybe I have been seeing you all wrong. Because the man I see isn’t a coward. He’s not afraid to face whatever life throws at him. He’s braver and stronger and better than this.”
He struggled for words, his neck muscles taut. “I ruin everything, April. I don’t live up to expectations. I’m doing this to protect you.”
“Bullshit.” I let go of his arm. “You’re doing this to protect you—because you don’t think you deserve to be loved. You’re leaving because you don’t want me or Chip or anyone else to see the real, flawed, imperfect version of you. You think all you had to offer anyone was a million-dollar arm, and since that’s gone, you’ve got nothing to give. But you’re wrong.”
He was silent, his hands flexing.
“And you know what else? Never, not once in eighteen years, did I feel you had betrayed or abandoned me when I was pregnant. You had to go after the life you wanted, and I understood. I wasn’t part of it.” I lifted my chin. “This time is different.”
I saw his shoulders tense up, his jaw tic. For a moment, I thought he was going to take me in his arms, tell me I was right, kiss me and hold me and say he wasn’t leaving. Say he would stay and face his fears. Say he would forgive himself and stop caring about what other people would say, because he was falling for me, and this time was different—this time he wanted me in his life. This time he would stay.
But he didn’t. He turned away from me, opened the door, and stormed out, yanking it shut behind him.
Twenty-Two
Tyler
I left April’s with her words lodged in my chest like arrows.
How could she think I didn’t care for her or want her in my life? She was the best thing to happen to me in years. She’d made me laugh and smile and feel alive again. She’d given me hope.
But dammit—she didn’t understand! She had no idea what it was like to fail, to disappoint people who believed in you, to be forced day after day to confront the fact that this wasn’t the life I was promised.
And wouldn’t that be exactly what she said to me when she discovered the truth about me? That I wasn’t just flawed, I was defective? I wasn’t just imperfect, I was broken?
I drove straight from April’s to the airport, since I’d already gone to the hotel and packed up my bags after discovering the photo on her kitchen floor. My gut instinct had been to get the fuck out of this town fast, but once I’d booked a flight and checked out of my hotel, I realized I couldn’t do it. I owed her a goodbye, at least. Even though I’d known it would be gut-wrenching to tell her I was leaving, I wanted to see her one last time.
Maybe someday she wouldn’t hate me for it.