Total pages in book: 147
Estimated words: 141810 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 709(@200wpm)___ 567(@250wpm)___ 473(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 141810 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 709(@200wpm)___ 567(@250wpm)___ 473(@300wpm)
Besides, Rick didn’t really do anything the first night. Just stretched out on his side next to Sean on his bed with his hand resting splayed on Sean’s stomach. Only his thumb would move, back and forth, back and forth, as he rattled along drunkenly about whatever. Rick was definitely a talker when mixed with beer. Used to talk Sean to sleep half the time. In fact, that hand of his didn’t really turn active until quite a few visits down the road. By then, though, Sean was so completely used to its presence that its subtle little movements hardly fazed him.
Until the first time Rick grazed Sean there as he roamed his hand up and down Sean’s thigh. Sean had stilled at first, but after a handful of brushes, realized he liked the contact. Liked Rick touching his body. Like it a lot. And it wasn’t like Rick was brazenly fondling him or anything. Just brief brushes of his fingers atop the sheets. Never skin on skin, to Sean’s dismay. A fact Rick eventually picked up on and exploited, manipulating Sean’s mind with his games. Sean knew that he had. It was obvious in hindsight. But way back when, Sean was young and stupid and hadn’t had a fucking clue.
His chest grew heavy and his stomach a little murky as a particular night crept into his head. Like always, Rick was lying on his side next to Sean, using his bent elbow as a pillow. He reeked of liquor and was babbling on about a BB gun he had as a kid. Yet all the while, just the tips of his fingers dragged lightly up and down Sean’s thigh. And Sean loved it. Loved how it felt, how it made him shiver, and get hard. But of course, he especially loved when Rick grazed him there, with Sean fully erect beneath the sheet. Rick would only do it once in a while, like Sean was just a hair’s breadth out of reach. So, Sean found himself subtly tilting his hips in an effort to help Rick make contact—which Rick did much more often after that. Come to think of it, he’d probably been waiting for the invite.
After a few more visits, though, it became apparent even to Sean that Rick was growing besotted. The things he said were becoming more endearing. More intimately affectionate. More tender. But he also seemed determined to open Sean’s eyes to how others saw him, and how Sean should see himself. So often, as he roamed his fingers atop the sheets, Rick would tell Sean how beautiful and special he was. How nobody deserved him. Not one.
Eventually, he’d even make Sean repeat his words. Aloud. Over and over. So Sean would believe them. It’d been a strange request, but Sean had always indulged him, if nothing else, just to keep the touches coming.
Sometimes, however, when Rick was more drunk than usual, he’d go more in-depth as to why. Why no one would be worthy of Sean. Why all would fall short. Because Sean’s rare, youthful beauty was a double-edged sword that would lure others helplessly to his feet. Convinced that they wanted him, needed to give him the world. But their love wouldn’t be real, it’d be cheap and fake, tossed at him through mere captivation. Because of his beauty, not his character, hence why they’d never deserve him. Not him or his precious love. Something Rick continued to remind him of every visit until Sean just sort of started to believe it.
Sean opened his eyes and sighed, staring back at the ceiling. So there it was, why he rarely had boyfriends. Why very few guys even interested him. Because his sense of worth hadn’t been instilled by his parents, it’d been instilled by a goddamn ped— Sean shoved to his feet, not wanting to finish the thought. Why fucking bother? It’d just make him sick.
Besides, the damage was already done.
TEN
Sean pulled up at Max’s place at a quarter to nine. Fifteen minutes early, but that was the plan. Sean had vowed to Max that he wouldn’t be late, and the one surefire way to make sure one wasn’t late was to make sure one was substantially early. Besides, it’d give Sean a few minutes to acclimate to the fact that he was about to go into the house of the hottest guy he’d ever met. And strip down to his underwear. Then pose for the man as he stared unceasingly at Sean’s body.
A flutter of anxious butterflies teemed wildly in his belly. He was nervous, definitely, but at the very same time, he absolutely couldn’t wait. He loved being around Max. Just simply in his presence. Which sounded kind of ridiculous, even to Sean, since the only times they’d been together they’d barely spoken five frickin’ sentences. Hell, most of the time, they weren’t even remotely near each other, just in the same room. That was it. But for some bizarre reason Sean couldn’t explain, that scant amount of interaction had been enough. Enough to breathe life into the very first crush Sean had ever really truly had.