Total pages in book: 158
Estimated words: 154037 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 770(@200wpm)___ 616(@250wpm)___ 513(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 154037 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 770(@200wpm)___ 616(@250wpm)___ 513(@300wpm)
Which when it came to this, it was.
“Otto.” I said his name like a dirty, beautiful secret.
“Otto?” She frowned, completely not tracking.
“Otto.” I drew it out even lower, letting the insinuation bleed into my whispered words. “Otto, you know, the one who is my favorite subject? Otto, the one who I really want to put his dick in me?”
I tipped my head to the side, trying to lead her back to the one thing that I’d sworn her to secrecy about. She was the only one who knew the way I felt about him.
Of course, she also knew that that desire and hope came from zero experience. Knew the issues I had with trust. With allowing someone to touch me when the only touch I’d known in my life was pain.
“Oh my God.” She grabbed me by the elbow and whipped her attention around like my confession had immediately garnered an audience. When she turned back to me, her brown eyes were wide with surprise, her voice hushed and excited. “You had sex with Otto?”
I released a frustrated moan and covered my face. “No…” I hesitated, then gushed, “But we did get naked.”
“What?” she screeched, then she winced when she realized that the whole block had likely heard it, and she was quick to drop her voice right back to a secret. “You actually got naked? With Otto? The man you’ve been salivating over your entire life?”
I peeked out at her through my fingers. “Freaking finally, yes. Can you believe it? And God, he is the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen, Charleigh. And the orgasms…”
I groaned some more.
She pried my hands from my face. “How did you finally make that man come to his senses?”
“I think living with him proved the attraction was more than either of us could handle.”
Not that I’d ever tried to resist him. Hell, I’d given him so many signs it’d gotten embarrassing.
“I finally told him last night that I’ve never been with a man—that I freak out when one even tries to touch me. I think we both hit a wall. Me telling him that he was the one I’d always wanted, and him giving me some crap about him not being good enough for me. I told him I was leaving this morning, getting out of his way because there was no way I could stay there with him after that.” My throat tightened. “But then I had a nightmare, and he came to me.”
Charleigh’s face twisted in empathy. She and I were a lot alike. Our experiences different but similar. Both of us traumatized. Hurt by the people who were supposed to love us most.
I think it was likely what had bonded us first.
She didn’t specifically know about the dreams, but she knew I remained haunted and chained.
“And when he did come to you, you weren’t afraid?”
“Not even for a second. There was zero hesitation. Like, I didn’t think I’d ever felt anything more perfect. I wanted it, and I didn’t want him to stop.” A little irritation wound into my tone. “Which I basically begged him not to, but of course, he went right back to telling me that we couldn’t happen.”
“How in the world did he resist my bestie? The man has to have a will of steel.”
“And a cock of steel. You should see it.” I fanned myself.
Charleigh curled up her nose. “Um, I’ll pass, thank you very much.”
Amusement rolled out of me, and I shook my head. “No. You’re right. You definitely shouldn’t. That man is mine, and I don’t need anyone else ogling him.”
“I’m perfectly fine ogling your brother.”
I pushed her shoulder. “Eww. I do not need the reminder. You both are lucky I didn’t go blind. That bleach was painful.”
Charleigh giggled before her demeanor softened, and she knocked her arm into mine, my best friend eyeing me in care and curiosity. “Don’t think I missed that you said that man is yours…”
I sighed. “I want him to be. That is if he could ever get over this whole idea that he isn’t good enough for me. He keeps saying these things, implying that he’s a bad man and I don’t really know him.”
Worry infiltrated. It was the part I didn’t get. I did know him. I knew the casualness he wore like armor and the pain he held beneath it. I knew his grief and his loss. I knew his joy and his belief.
Charleigh’s brow knitted in uncertainty, though she kind of shrugged as she speculated. “I think they all have a sense that there is something wrong about what they do. I don’t see how they couldn’t…the things they’ve seen, the things they’ve partaken in. It doesn’t matter that it’s for good, it’s still bound to scar them in some way. Plus…you know it was really bad when they were a part of the MC.”