Total pages in book: 158
Estimated words: 154037 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 770(@200wpm)___ 616(@250wpm)___ 513(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 154037 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 770(@200wpm)___ 616(@250wpm)___ 513(@300wpm)
Her frown deepened, and her breaths turned choppy as some kind of hurt and incredulity seeped into her demeanor.
“Just want to know, Raven.” Had no right to demand it. But there it was, out there like some kind of plea.
Raven suddenly whirled toward me, flailing her book around as she shouted, “Maybe I would, Otto. Maybe this is exactly what I would want a man to do to me if I ever got up the courage enough to let someone actually freaking touch me.”
She gripped at her chest when she said the last.
Okay, it could hurt a lot.
So much.
It felt like a hot blade had been driven right through my stomach at the pain that poured out of her.
At the torment.
At the grief I could feel flood the room. Clearly in need of something that had remained out of reach.
Fuck.
I hadn’t known. I hadn’t known.
I’d been too wrapped up in wanting to gut every little prick who I’d thought had had the fucking honor of touching her to see what was really going on with her. Jealousy eating me alive any time she stepped out the door with another man.
And still, my voice went raw, needing her to actually confirm it.
“What are you sayin’, Raven?”
A tear slipped down her cheek. Fiery courage butted with the embarrassment that poured from her as she batted it away. “You know exactly what I’m saying, Otto. It’s just like it was then. I can’t let anyone touch me. I have a panic attack any time that I do.”
Her brow pinched in misery. “Every single one of them except for you.”
An arrow speared right through my middle because there was a goddamn plea weaved into her words.
That same desperation bleeding out as she stared at me.
Her lips parted and her chest heaved as both of us spiraled back to that one moment in time that I’d tried to eradicate from my memory. Bury it down so damned deep there would be no chance of ever uncovering it.
“So, you want to know about this, Otto?” She tossed the book toward me. “I read these stories because I want to be swept away. Because I want to imagine this happening to me. And every time, I wish it was you.” She kept right on, that chin held high. “I touch myself, wishing it was you. It’s you. It’s always you.”
I didn’t know what the fuck I thought I was doing when I shifted onto one knee on the couch and angled her direction. I planted my hands on either side of her.
Shocked, Raven rocked back, her back pressed against the arm of the couch as I hovered over her.
Tension bound the air.
The energy so alive I could hear it sizzle and snap. Tiny lightning strikes that cracked in the room.
But in her eyes was also a distinct vulnerability. This brave, bold, beautiful girl who’d been done so fuckin’ wrong. Scarred and wounded, and still she remained the brightest fucking light.
I didn’t want to be another. Didn’t want to be another who would only cause her pain.
My hand was shaking when I reached out and tucked a lock of her long, dark hair that had gotten loose behind her ear before I set my hand on her face, thumb stroking over that sharp cheek.
Our faces so close but an endless expanse raging between us as I gazed down at her.
“I’m not worthy of touching you, Raven. Not even close.”
“To me, you’re the only one who is.”
God. How was I supposed to refute that? Deny her?
But I couldn’t give in. Touching her would be a betrayal. I’d be nothing but a monster, taking advantage of this. This woman who didn’t know me the way she thought she did.
“You deserve the whole fuckin’ world, Raven Tayte. To be loved and adored. Touched in every way you want to be. But I’m not that guy.”
I was vile. A demon who hunted the wraiths in the night. Hands so dirty that I tainted everything I touched.
Hurt blistered across her face, and I could taste the sting of rejection on her heavy exhalation. Dark, dark eyes flitted all over my face, searching for the truth. “You don’t think I’m capable of making that choice for myself? You think I’m not wise enough to decide who that guy is?”
My head barely shook. “Not when it comes to me.”
Pain splintered through her being, but it was anger that twisted her expression. She pushed at my chest.
Hard.
I fumbled back onto my side of the couch.
She heaved a sound of disbelief. “Right, I get it, I’m still that dumb, injured little girl who can’t make decisions on her own.”
She was on her feet before I had the chance to respond, her book gripped in her hand.
“Raven—” I attempted before she gave me a harsh shake of her head and shoved her palm out my direction to cut me off.