Total pages in book: 158
Estimated words: 154037 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 770(@200wpm)___ 616(@250wpm)___ 513(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 154037 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 770(@200wpm)___ 616(@250wpm)___ 513(@300wpm)
Would give anything to be able to end them permanently. But the only power I had left was to end the few that remained.
Her hair swished across my pillow as she gave me a slight nod. “Sometimes.”
“How often?” I pressed. Couldn’t stomach the idea of her waking up like this.
Alone.
Guilt tugged at my conscience at the thought that I’d abandoned her when she’d needed me most. But I’d had to put an end to it. Draw a line when my loyalties had become blurred.
Raven warred, teeth clamping down on her red bottom lip like she wasn’t sure she wanted to admit it. “Maybe once a week.”
My chest squeezed in a fist. “Fuck, Raven.”
“It’s not that bad,” she whispered.
My thumb brushed the apple of her cheek. “It sounded pretty bad to me.”
Her gaze drifted away before she blinked back my direction. “You were the only one who could ever keep them away.”
It sounded of a confession.
My guts turned over in a tidal wave of protectiveness.
Taken back to that time.
When I’d hear her crying in the night and go to her.
A wraith climbing into her bed at night.
Somehow, I’d managed not to fully push through the boundaries I’d set, but that didn’t mean I hadn’t wanted to.
Didn’t mean that I hadn’t wanted to wrap her whole and keep her.
But I’d known I’d only hurt her in the end. Burn a thousand bridges that would ruin us all.
Still, I was murmuring, “I hate that I haven’t been there for you.”
She was about twenty when we’d moved here to Moonlit Ridge. It’d been the year before that when things had gotten skewed between us.
My loyalties.
My devotions.
The way I looked at her.
That was all right before every good thing in my life had been ripped out from under me. When I’d failed my sister.
Once we’d come here, the crew had all split up and no longer lived together.
That separation had been for the best. Putting up physical walls and miles between me and Raven. It wasn’t like we hadn’t remained close, but it was easier to ignore the wicked thoughts that invaded when I wasn’t sleeping under the same roof as her night after night.
But that also meant I couldn’t hear her when she needed me.
“Does River know?” I asked.
I hated that I thought I saw a glimpse of shame play through her features when she shook her head. “No.”
Goddamn it.
She had been alone, and my own shame gripped me by the throat. I pulled her a little closer and whispered against her forehead, “So fuckin’ sorry, Raven. Can’t stand it if you felt abandoned.”
She peeled herself back enough to look at my face, her voice wishing for a lightness neither of us could seem to find. “You couldn’t drive all the way across town and climb in through my window every time I had a nightmare, Otto.”
My thumb stroked along her jaw. “Maybe I should have.”
A thousand emotions arced in a wave through her gorgeous features.
Sorrow.
Belief.
Loss.
Love.
Did my best to tuck back what all of them really meant as she snuggled closer to me. “I want to be brave, Otto, but sometimes I think…”
She trailed off, going silent, her breaths long and choppy in the quiet night that billowed around us.
My arms curled tighter around her to bring her flush.
Heat flamed at the connection, but I ignored it, focused on what was important and not the distorted need I didn’t think I’d ever get free of.
“You are brave. So goddamn brave. Look at you, the way you smile and shine all your beauty into this world. Spreading joy like it’s gushing out of you. It’s a better fuckin’ place because of you, Raven Tayte.”
I could feel her long blink, the girl pressed so tight into me her lashes brushed my chest. “Sometimes I wonder if it will ever go away. The pain. If I’ll ever truly heal.”
I exhaled a weighty breath. “No, Raven, I doubt the things we go through ever fully go away. They scar us and mark us forever. It’s how we handle those scars that define us.”
Mine had festered under the callused surface. Fermented until the best parts of me had become spoiled.
But not Raven.
“And you, Moonflower, through all the horrible shit you’ve had to endure. Through the abuse. Through living on the streets. Through…” I croaked off the last. I was unable to give it voice—that moment that had crushed us both. Still, I managed, “In the darkest night, you bloomed.”
I could feel her sinking into me.
Giving me her trust.
Except I knew that I’d always had it.
Knew she’d always thought of me as her safe place.
I’d made an oath to myself that’s what I’d always be. I’d always be there for her. Her support. A promise that I’d never fucking hurt her, and I’d crush anyone who did.
Which meant I damned sure shouldn’t be allowing myself to get this close, but I found I couldn’t tear myself away.