Total pages in book: 47
Estimated words: 45210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 226(@200wpm)___ 181(@250wpm)___ 151(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 45210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 226(@200wpm)___ 181(@250wpm)___ 151(@300wpm)
I clear my mind and focus on the here and now, determined to enjoy our time together while hoping it lasts.
CHAPTER 21
KANAN
I got up before the sun did.
I’m sitting on the chair across the room, knowing I can’t lie in the bed next to Emerson. If I do, I’ll wake her up, and she needs her sleep. We were up half the night, but my need for her is not even close to being quenched.
I can’t let her go.
I know I have to tell her the truth, and I feel like shit for not telling her already.
Fuck, and most likely she’s going to leave me.
That sinking feeling hits me hard, and I’m not sure what to do with it. There’s a part of me that wishes I could keep this to myself and not burden her with it, but the longer I wait, the worse it’s going to be.
She has to know.
I wasn’t thinking last night. I came inside her. Hell, she could be pregnant already, and I should have told her before I could have altered her life altogether.
She thinks I’m a good man, but the truth is, I’m a selfish man. There’s no way I can let her go… not now.
I push up from the chair and move closer to the bed. She’s still naked, lying on her back with her arm thrown over her face.
I cross my arms over my chest and stare down at her. She’s beautiful, way more beautiful than she realizes. There’s no way she has any doubts about how much I crave her body now. I worshiped her, and there’s no turning back.
There’s no getting her out of my system. With one last look at her, I tiptoe from the bedroom. I’ve already turned the alarm off her phone. I know she’ll probably be mad, but I want her to rest.
I go out into the kitchen and rifle through the junk drawer to find paper and pencil.
I scrawl out a note and leave it on the kitchen table next to Emerson’s phone.
I pick up my shoes that are sitting by the door and make my way outside, locking the door on my way out. After lacing up my boots, I walk down the path to Elias’ cabin.
After two minutes of pounding on his door, he finally pulls it open. “What the fuck, Kanan? This is two days in a row you’ve woke me up at the ass crack of dawn. Can’t a man get any sleep around here?”
I look at him, not giving him any sympathy. “I think you fuckin’ owe me, man.”
He smirks. “The rules were don’t touch her. I didn’t touch her. You didn’t tell me when to bring her home.”
I push past him. “You could have at least answered your phone.”
He follows me in, shutting the door behind him. “Yeah, I could have. But I think you deserved to suffer a little bit for that asinine idea you had. I mean, I’ve heard of dumb decisions before, but that one takes the cake.”
I sit down on his couch, not even caring that he’s busting my balls. On all accounts, he’s right. I fucked up, but thankfully, it doesn’t seem like Emerson is holding it against me.
Elias sits down in the chair across from me, and I’m holding my hands together in front of me. It must be going to rain today because my arm’s hurting more than it has been. Of course, it could have something to do with the night I had. With my eyes lowered, Elias claps his hands together. “Kanan, what the fuck is up, man? It’s still dark out. If you wanted to shoot the shit or give me shit about last night, you could have at least waited until daylight.”
“I owe you, man. You were right about me being a dumbass, but thank you anyway for taking her out. Maybe it took her going out with someone else to straighten my ass out, I dunno.”
He shrugs. “Yeah, sure. No problem. That’s what we do, right? We get each other’s backs. That’s what we’ve always done.”
I nod and gulp. “ I want to talk about it, Elias.”
He holds his hands up. “Hell, no. It’s one thing for you to ask me to take out your woman, but I don’t want to hear about y’all’s sexual escapades. My part in this ended last night. I did my duty.”
I shake my head, not even laughing at his joke. “I want to talk about the night Randall died.”
I knew he would be shocked by my request, but I wasn’t expecting the pure anguish to come across his face. I shake my head. “Forget it. Shit, I know no one wants to talk about it, I just…”
I let my voice trail off because I’m not sure where to go from here. I need to talk it out with someone that was there. I’ve seen the reports. Hell, the doctor, Walker, everyone has told me that it’s not my fault, but I need to go through it with someone that was there.