Total pages in book: 47
Estimated words: 45210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 226(@200wpm)___ 181(@250wpm)___ 151(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 45210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 226(@200wpm)___ 181(@250wpm)___ 151(@300wpm)
Elias moves to the edge of his seat and clasps his hands together in front of him. “What’s going on with you, Kanan? It’s been two years, do you really want to hash these things out?”
I laugh, but it’s strangled and doesn’t even sound right. “Honestly, no, I don’t. But I feel like I have to.”
He huffs loudly, “Okay, well, let’s do it.”
I shake my head, ready to get up and leave. A part of me is relieved because maybe I’m afraid that Elias is going to see things my way… maybe he knows it’s all my fault. “No, it’s fine. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’ll let you go back to sleep.”
I stand up, and so does Elias. “Sit your ass back down. Fuck, Kanan. Obviously there’s something you need to get off your chest, so let’s have it. Talk to me.”
I glare at him, debating what I should do. Knowing I need to figure this out, for me, for Emerson, for the both of us, I sit back down. “I only have one question.”
He sits down and nods. “Shoot.”
I clear my throat and decide to just come out with it. I’m looking at the floor between us because I can’t look him in the eye. Not when I ask him what I’m going to ask him. “Am I the reason that Randall is dead?”
He leans back, and he’s quiet so long I finally lift my head up to look at him. He’s staring at me as if I have three heads or something. “Is this what’s been eating you? You think you what? Got Randall killed some way?”
There’s more to it, but that’s the gist of it. Unable to voice it, all I can do is nod my head.
His voice is hard. “You really think you had something to do with it?”
“The shot that killed him. The one that went straight to his heart… That’s the one he got while I was carrying him on my back.”
He’s staring at me without blinking. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I shouldn't make Elias relive this. I should have asked Jason or Davis. They both seem to be in better shape in dealing with all this stuff than Elias and me. When he doesn’t say anything, I’m shaking my head again. “You know what? Forget it, Elias. I shouldn’t even have asked.”
“Sit down,” he says when I start to get up again.
I roll my eyes but sit down. “You know what, I’m not going to keep letting you tell me what to do. I could still whoop your ass.”
He smirks. “Whoop my ass? Really? How old are you, man?”
I’m quick to respond. “The same age as you, asshole.”
He grunts, shaking his head. “Really? Well, quit talking like you’re eighty. No one says whoop your ass anymore.”
“Fuck you. Are we going to talk about this or not?”
He sucks in a breath. “Did the therapist put you up to this? She tell you I’m not talking or some shit?”
My eyes widen. “No, fuck, I had no idea. I mean, I know you’re not exactly forthcoming with shit, but I assumed you were following therapy protocol.”
He shrugs, and I can’t help but wonder how much longer Walker is going to let him off the hook. There’s no doubt Walker knows he’s not talking, and it was a requirement when we came. Each of us had to go to therapy and all the doctor appointments. Whatever they recommended, we have to follow it.
Elias grunts. “Fine, okay, since I know you’re asking for you, I guess we can talk about it.”
I hold my hands up, “Fuck, E. I didn’t know this was going to be such a big thing for you. If you're not ready to talk about it, we won’t talk about it.”
He just stares at me. “We’re talking about it.” He nods and leans forward. “I’m sure you already know this, but I’m going to tell you anyway. Randall was dead when you picked him up, Kanan.”
I start to argue, but he silences me with a look. “Yeah, he may have been breathing, but you know as well as I do that he wouldn’t have made it to the hospital. He had multiple gunshot wounds, a fractured skull, he was bleeding from every orifice of his head. He was dying. If anything, that shot put him out of his misery.”
I cringe over the blunt way he says it, but that’s one of the reasons I came to Elias. He’s as blunt as they come. “So yeah, he was dead when you picked him up, but you made sure he made it home. You gave Emerson, Walker, hell, all of us some closure because we know what would have happened to his body if he was left behind.”
I think about what he’s saying. I know there’s some truth to it. There’s no way I would have left him behind. Hell, I couldn’t have left any of them behind.