Total pages in book: 117
Estimated words: 106754 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106754 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
And after that, I tune everything out. They go on and on about some quack fucking doctor who can do wonders, probably by prescribing a shit ton of medication to me. Kade nods enthusiastically as June speaks, and it drives me fucking insane to see them ganging up on me. But as bad as this is, I know I can't show my true side yet. I know I can't tell them I think they need a doctor, not me. I can't say I'll never go along with all of the plans they've made for me. And if I want to get what I really desire, I'll have to go along with this.
So I agree with them, nodding my head like an obedient dog. I admire their happy smiles and admit I have issues. I do everything to make it seem like I'm going along with it. As though I'm actually working on shutting out the darkness. Not that I'd ever do that.
When you lock the door on a part of yourself, you let it rot. You let it fester. And once it all comes out, it's a thousand times worse. I wish Kade had learned that lesson sooner. Because when he explodes, it sure as fuck won't be pretty.
As we say goodbye for the night, a different scenario from the one they're describing plays out in my head. And I know things will finish my way, not theirs.
I watch them leave before getting into my cab, my twin brother's arm protectively draped around my girl's shoulders. And I tell myself it won't be for long. Only a little while left before I claim what's always been mine.
30
June
Kade wants another baby.
He has made that abundantly clear, at first just hinting at the fact, but becoming more and more obvious with each day that passes. And finally, after we get back from dinner with his twin that night, he says it out loud.
"Wouldn't it be wonderful if Theo had a sibling to play with?" I busy myself with pouring a tall glass of water and gulping the liquid down in long, thirsty gulps. When I'm done, I set the glass on the marble counter, still avoiding Kade's gaze. "Well, Junebug? You can't avoid the topic forever."
"I know," I mutter. The truth is, I've always wanted a big family. To have kids running around the house has been a dream for me since I was a little girl. But now... now everything's different.
Kade can see he's upset me with his words, and we go to bed that night without speaking about it again. The distance between us in our bed has never felt bigger, and as I twist the duvet in my hands, I wonder whether my stepbrother will ever give up on his dream of having another baby. I just don't know if I'm ready... If I can bring another baby into the world.
With Parker—Nox—back in our lives, I'm struggling to keep my mind on things such as our growing family. I want Parker involved in our lives. I'm hoping he's learned his lesson since the last time we were close, but the doubt is still there, ever-present in the back of my mind. He tried to hurt me... Who says he wouldn't go after Kade's and my kids, too?
In his sleep, Kade pulls me closer until my body is tight against his. I can feel his hardness through his pajama bottoms, always ready for me, wanting me. At least that aspect of our lives hasn’t changed, and I’m thankful every day for choosing the right brother. It's always been Kade, and Parker could never stand it. Settling into the crook of my husband’s arms, I close my eyes firmly and tell myself to go to sleep, but it’s a vain effort. Dark thoughts keep penetrating, and I can’t seem to get a wink of sleep. The nightmares that plagued me as a little girl are back with a vengeance.
I lie next to Kade for hours, until it’s finally an acceptable hour of the morning to get up. Nuzzling into his side, he groans when he feels me moving.
“Good morning. Sleep well, Junebug?” he asks me, and it’s my time to groan as I bury my face in his neck. I love the way he smells—all musk and something sweet, like vanilla and mint. It drives me crazy, even after all this time. Kade takes my face in his hands, flipping me until I’m on top of his body, straddling him. His eyes are sleepy but mischievous nonetheless, and my gaze replicates his.
“I want you,” he groans, guiding my hand over his boxer shorts, where his cock is begging to be set free and played with. I tease him, running my hand over his shorts until he groans my name over and over again. Finally, he has enough of me and slips my hand into his boxers himself.