Two Sticky Nuts – OHellNo Read Online Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

Categories Genre: Alpha Male, Erotic Tags Authors:
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Total pages in book: 58
Estimated words: 56107 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 281(@200wpm)___ 224(@250wpm)___ 187(@300wpm)
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“Are you telling me that man right there in your car has a history of abducting women?”

“No, ma’am. He has a history of coercion.”

“I-I don’t know what to tell you, but I’m fine. He was invited in.”

“So he’s staying with you?” the officer asks.

“No,” I say. “He was feeling upset, and I let him sleep on my couch. He’s leaving now.”

“He just told us he’s living here.”

“Uh…no. No, it was just one night.”

Suddenly a FedEx truck pulls up. Out hops the driver and walks up to me. “Hello, I have a package? Can you sign?”

“What is it?” I ask.

I notice Carter screaming from the back of the police car. “Please, Mila. Just sign!”

Oh God. I don’t know what to do. It’s probably just a package, but I’m not sure why it’s being delivered here.

I sign, and the driver goes back to his truck. A few minutes later, he comes out with a huge crate.

“What’s that?” I ask.

“Looks like ice-cream toppings,” the officer points out. “For a Mr. Sticky Nuts?”

I go over to the box and inspect the label on the side. Ohgod. They are toppings. “Whoa. Whoa. Nope. No. Nuh-uh. Take that stuff back right now,” I tell the driver.

“Sorry, ma’am, but you already signed.” The driver leaves the enormous wooden box in front of the garage and then zips off.

I march to the squad car with the window cracked open. “Carter, what is that?”

“I don’t know.”

“You told me to sign.”

“I thought it was the check to reimburse you for all the money I spent. I sold some stocks I’ve been hanging on to. I have no idea what the box is.”

“Carter, stop fucking with me. Those are nuts, caramel, and chocolate chips.” I’m about to yell that there will be no Mr. Sticky Nuts in my house when something very, very peculiar catches my eye.

Hold on. What the fuck is that?

I notice one of the buttons on Carter’s shirt doesn’t look like the others. Is that a tiny camera? I lean closer. I think it is.

I lift my gaze from the squad car and scan the surrounding area. I spot a man in the tree across the street with a camera.

I look at the policeman, and there’s something strange about his uniform. The badge just reads “Police Officer.” No reference to the city or county.

I step away from the squad car, which, now that I’m being observant, doesn’t say anything. Yes, it’s painted black and white and has lights on top, but…

Ohmygod. It’s not real. “Are you filming me?” I seethe.

Carter looks like a deer in headlights. “No…?” he says.

“You son of a bitch.” Rage floods my entire body. I open the back of the cruiser, lean inside, and point an angry finger in his face. “Are you filming me?” I yell.

“I can explain.”

“No. Not another word, you psycho!” I start to panic, my mind offering up all sorts of ways this is going to publicly humiliate me if he puts out a film with me in it. I don’t even know what he recorded. Me showering? Sleeping? He can’t do this to me.

“I’m suing you, Carter. For everything you’re worth now and in the future. And if I see so much as one second of my face in any of your work, I’ll sue you in your next life, too.” I turn to go inside and start grabbing his shit. I drag it outside and throw it on the lawn.

Carter comes out of the fake cruiser. “I can explain, Mila.”

“Shut the fuck up, you creepy asshole.” I toss the sleeping bag at him.

“I just wanted to document our love, Mila.”

“By secretly filming me while you’re fake arrested?”

“Well, the story needed a little drama. I mean, let’s face it, you’re not exactly the most exciting person in the world.”

My nostrils flare. “Not only are you completely crazy, but you’re a massive prick.”

“You don’t mean that, Mila.”

I go inside and grab the last of his suitcases and chuck it at his feet outside. “You have sixty seconds to get off my property, or I’m calling the real police.” I look at the fake officers. “I’d get going if I were you. Unless you’d like to be arrested for impersonating an officer?”

“We’ll go,” Carter says, “but I’ll be back later when you’ve calmed down.”

“If I ever see you again, I’m going to chop off those giant nuts of yours. Got it?”

I go inside and peek through the curtains to make sure Carter and his crew are leaving.

Carter slips his phone from his pocket and gets into the front of the cruiser with his actor buddy.

He’d better be calling his lawyer.

Suddenly, my phone rings, and the caller ID says it’s Logan. Thank God. Maybe he can stop his brother from whatever bullshit he has planned.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Mila.” Logan’s deep voice comes through on the other end of my phone.


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