Total pages in book: 135
Estimated words: 132321 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 662(@200wpm)___ 529(@250wpm)___ 441(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 132321 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 662(@200wpm)___ 529(@250wpm)___ 441(@300wpm)
Cupping the back of her head, I lean down and press a quick kiss to her lips. The way she melts into me and twists her fingers in my shirt has me questioning everything. I want to stay. I’m aching to climb into bed and stay the night. Pretend we’re more.
“I’m sorry I gotta go,” I whisper against her lips before pulling away.
Without taking my eyes off of her, I slip my cut on, the weight of it grounding me, reminding me of who I am. What I do and what I don’t do.
“Sure.” She tucks her legs up underneath the long T-shirt, the fabric swallowing her small frame. “Is everything okay?”
“Just some club stuff.” Her concern only makes me feel worse. This is exactly what I didn’t want. Feelings. Regret. I like my freedom. Don’t want to feel tethered to another person.
At least I didn’t want that kind of connection before I met her.
Now, I don’t know what I want.
“See you soon?” She won’t even look at me.
“I’ll text you.” I don’t know if that’s a promise.
Or a lie.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Jigsaw
Avoiding Margot is like nailing boards over the windows on a sunny day. The sun’s out. I’ve seen the big orange ball in the sky. Felt its warmth. I can bask in it and enjoy the benefits like a normal human. But I’d rather deny myself and stay in the dark. I’ve denied myself her warmth for weeks. Physically, anyway. Mentally, she’s burrowed into my fucking brain. I like her too damn much, which means I should stay the fuck away from her.
My longing for her grates on my nerves.
Being with her makes me a hypocrite, though—something I hate in other people. I’m supposed to teach Margot to open up and connect with someone on a physical level and I can’t even do it myself. Well, no, physically, our connection is incendiary. It’s all the other connections I want to make with her, outside of the bedroom, that are a problem.
She helps families navigate grief and loss. I help bury and burn bodies.
She has enough darkness in her life. I have no business bringing more into it.
The club’s been a grind. Fixing the damage from the break-in. Helping Rooster re-upload dozens of videos to the websites we maintain, sorting through a mess of digital chaos.
Serena has baby Lincoln and a few of the guys take a trip upstate to Empire Med to congratulate Grinder and Serena.
Tonight, I’m at the clubhouse when some of the guys get back. They threw this party, to “celebrate” Lincoln’s birth, but it’s the farthest thing from a wholesome celebration of new life.
A year ago, I would’ve been right in the thick of things, loving every disgusting minute. Tonight, it makes my skin crawl. I don’t think I could get it up for anyone else, even if I wanted to.
All I want is Margot. Her scent surrounding me. Her silky hair brushing my skin. Her voice saying my name. All of her.
I’m really regretting leaving the way I did and I’m not sure how to make it right, or if I should even try.
Our downstate clubhouse, with couples furtively fucking in the corners and openly fucking on the pool table, would scandalize Margot.
After so many years, it’s boring to me.
All I want is the shy girl who tends to the dead and asked me to teach her about sex.
I could never bring her here. Within five minutes, she’d run into girls I’ve fucked who’d be more than happy to give her salacious details just for shits and giggles.
And how the fuck is Margot ever going to tell her dad about us? He might have let me drive his car to take her to dinner but he’s never going to be okay with me dating Margot. Marrying her.
Fuck me to hell. Do I want to marry her?
“We’re back, Jiggy!” a sweet, southern voice behind me announces.
My mouth curves into a genuine smile for the first time in days. I turn around and Shelby’s standing there in a loose floral blouse, jeans, and one of the many pairs of cowboy boots Rooster’s bought her since they got together. Rooster’s standing right behind her, hands on her shoulders, gaze shifting left and right, making sure no one bothers his girl.
But she’s only looking up at me right now. “Did you miss us?”
“Always. How’d it go?”
“We couldn’t stay long. Serena is beat.”
“Yeah, I bet.”
“But lil’ Lincoln is so cute and squishable.” She presses her fists together in front of her face and squeezes her eyes shut for a second.
My lips tilt into a smirk. I shoot Rooster a quick look. “Make you think about having one of your own?”
Rooster gags at the same time Shelby yelps, “Hell, no! I’m happy being the cool aunt right now.”
At least they’re on the same page.