Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 94436 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 472(@200wpm)___ 378(@250wpm)___ 315(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94436 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 472(@200wpm)___ 378(@250wpm)___ 315(@300wpm)
I didn’t turn on any lights, we needed the night. My footfalls made no sound as I moved toward him then knelt at his feet. My palms went to his thighs as they opened ever so slightly for me. He was naked.
Even that simple touch sent relief to my bones. Need to my blood. It was slight, the tension leaving his granite body, but I noticed it.
“You once told me that you lied as easily as your breathed,” I whispered, tilting my head up to him, knowing he was looking at me. “I do not know how to lie. Not to anyone, but especially not to you.”
“But you did,” he hissed into the darkness, anger saturating his tone. “You lied to me for months.”
“Did I?” I asked, clenching my hands around the bare skin of his thighs, rubbing them gently. I ached to go higher, to grasp his cock in my hands then take it into my mouth, but I knew it wasn’t time for that.
Yet.
“I told you in a thousand little ways, without words,” I explained, still rubbing his thighs.
He let out a harsh breath, not touching me. “But I needed the fucking words, Stella.”
I bit my lip. “I know. I know you did. I owed you them. And I will torture myself with what might’ve been different if I had told you.” Maybe Eric might not have died. Maybe Jay wouldn’t be so far from me right now.
Maybe.
“But I did. I lied, in my own way. And I’m sorry. But our baby is healthy, Jay. And we are here. Together. Safe.”
Jay didn’t say anything, and it hurt. Killed. But I understood it.
“Did you end the entire Russian Mafia?” I asked on a whisper when he’d been silent for some time.
He chuckled without humor. It was the first time I’d heard such a sound, and I hated it. “A snake does not only have one head, pet. There will be more. There will always be more. This is not over. This will always be your life.” A pause. Thick. Ugly. “If you want it.”
At that, I moved, standing only long enough so I could climb on his lap. He was hard already. I was wet already. Therefore, I did not torture either of us. I lowered myself onto him. My swift intake of breath was dwarfed by the animalistic sound that came out of the back of Jay’s throat.
I leaned forward, moving slowly, savoring the way he felt inside me. My hands settled on his neck, pressing our foreheads together. “There he is,” I moaned. “There is my man. My husband. My whole heart.”
He didn’t speak, but I hadn’t expected him to. His hands settled on my hips, squeezing tightly, with the perfect amount of pain, the perfect amount of Jay.
“Nothing in this world will tear me from your side,” I continued, my voice breathy, orgasm building. “No battle, no blood, no wars. Nothing, Jay. I love you, including your entire wretched and wicked heart.”
Finally, he kissed me, deep, angry, loving. It was then I exploded around him, crying out into his mouth, breaking apart on top of him. His hands gripped even tighter around my hips, moving me against him.
“I love you,” he rasped. “With all of me. Till death.”
“Till death,” I whispered back.
One Month Later
Recovery from what happened did not come swiftly. Jay had been struck with his greatest fear: losing me. Not only losing me but the child that I hadn’t told him about. He’d had to honor the most wicked part of himself in order to get me back. I understood that. I understood he could not rebound to who he once was. I knew he was fighting his way back to me.
And I did everything in my power to bring him back. I played Debussy. I framed every new sonogram photo we got—and he made sure that we got one per week, our doctor not even bothering to argue with him anymore.
I started designing our nursery—gender neutral because surprisingly, Jay did not want to know the gender. Jay. The man who loved control above all else. Who needed control above all else.
He wanted a surprise.
I gave him that too.
He wanted me working less. I didn’t love that but considering my morning sickness was making itself known the entire day, it wasn’t exactly a hardship. I set to redesigning our house, turning it into a home.
Wren, Zoe and Yasmin were around often, and they helped with decorating, their laughter bouncing off the walls. Even if Wren’s was forced. She had barely left my side since she got back and had pointedly ignored Karson when he was around, which was often.
It was hard to watch. They’d had so much together, they’d had everything, and in one stroke, there was nothing. It haunted me, the sorrow for my friend and fear for myself. At how close Jay and I could’ve been to such a fate.