Total pages in book: 116
Estimated words: 111089 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 555(@200wpm)___ 444(@250wpm)___ 370(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 111089 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 555(@200wpm)___ 444(@250wpm)___ 370(@300wpm)
She glanced around the place…our old restaurant.
“Don’t you miss this?” she asked, and she must have sensed my uneasiness because she reached across the table. “Oh, James. I’m joking. I can still do that, right?”
I decided I needed to just blurt this out before the waiter came back or I ran out of courage. “Sheila, I want to go ahead and get started on the divorce paperwork.”
“What?” Her reaction, a double take and rapid blinking, made it seem as though I’d asked her if she could give me ten grand.
I’d been feeling this way even before prom, but after what Kyle and I had discussed, I became more convinced that this was one of the remaining things holding me back. Until this part of my life was finished, I couldn’t feel confident in moving on with Kyle and the life I wanted us to have with each other.
“It’s time, Sheila.”
“I thought we were going to wait until January.”
“We already passed one January.”
“I’m sorry, but I just lost the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Mom’s finally getting around on her own. I just need one more semester without another thing on my plate.”
I could see the tears percolating. Fuck my life, why did they still hold so much power over me?
“Sheila, I’m happy to fill out the COBRA paperwork for you, but there’s no more reason for the delay. This isn’t about your doctorate or health insurance or your mom being sick, and we both know it.”
The moisture in her eyes dissolved surprisingly quickly as her expression shifted. She scanned my face, like she was trying to make sense of something, yet I knew her well enough to know what for.
“James, if it’s because you are with someone else, you can just say that.”
“I shouldn’t need to give you a reason.”
It was an answer I expected she wouldn’t be satisfied with, and I was right.
The tears returned, and she grabbed a napkin off the table. As though she’d asked the universe for an audience, the waiter arrived, giving her the opportunity to make a bit of a scene as she seemed to struggle to keep herself together, asking for another minute to look over the menu.
So fucking dramatic.
She didn’t even wait for the waiter to be out of earshot before she went on, “If that’s what you want, I can go ahead and get started on filing the paperwork.”
“No, I’ll do it.”
“Let me talk it over with my attorney, get a few things squared away, and then I’ll file. Just promise me you won’t file.”
I sighed.
It was fucked up how close I kept getting to what I wanted without ever actually getting there. But any progress was progress, and at the least, I could put down some rules to make sure this happened by the time I wanted it done.
“Okay, but it has to be done in three weeks, or I’m filing.” Then I could really be free after Kyle’s graduation, when we made our getaway.
“Three weeks is very specific. I hope you’re not planning on remarrying in a month.”
She wasn’t just teasing; she was testing.
“I don’t have to respond to that, Sheila.”
Her eyes widened for a moment before she recomposed herself. “If that was what you were planning, it would be within your rights. I’ll take care of it. Thank you for letting me be the one to do it.”
For someone who had so many tears ready for me moments before, I was suspicious of this calm, certain attitude. I’d played games with her before, but at the very least, I had put my foot down this time, and I was finally ready to follow through for a change.
40
Kyle
As wonderful as it was spending the bulk of my free time with James, we both did what we could to maintain the other relationships in our lives, which meant days and nights away from one another so we could spend time with friends, and in my case, Tex. Since he’d discovered Tinder and I’d discovered James, we’d had a tricky time coordinating our schedules. But when he expressed interest in the Whispersaw County Fair, I knew we had to make time, especially as summer neared.
Yes, summer. Soon the school year would come to an end, and James and I would be off on our Peruvian adventure. After James and I had decided upon the plan, we’d gone ahead and booked the trip and filled out applications for passports. Soon, we’d be far away from Wyachet and free to be with one another without fear or shame.
Until then, I would have to cherish the secret I still kept close. The secret I guarded, even from Tex, whom I trusted with my life.
As Tex and I hit up our usual suspects at the fair—bumper cars, the haunted mansion, roller coasters—I found myself enjoying the good time the way we did most years. It was a beautiful reminder of what it was like when it was just Tex and me, looking out for each other. He was shit at winning prizes, but I entertained him through the sinkhole that the darts and water-gun races became, winning him a stuffed bear at the gun range.