Total pages in book: 116
Estimated words: 111089 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 555(@200wpm)___ 444(@250wpm)___ 370(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 111089 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 555(@200wpm)___ 444(@250wpm)___ 370(@300wpm)
I had to take a moment to wipe my face as the tears released, far beyond my control.
“Shit. Haven’t even told Tex about that.” My voice cracked.
I needed to shut the hell up until I could regain control of my emotions, but it didn’t seem like that would be happening anytime soon.
Before I had a chance to lift my head, I felt something across my back and realized it was his arm. He drew me into his chest, holding me close. His firm hug felt soothing for a moment, made me feel so safe, that I just fell the fuck apart.
His face traveled near my hair, to beside my cheek as he whispered against my ear, “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. But you know you can still go to the police.”
I would’ve laughed if it hadn’t been so painful. I pulled away from him. “Oh, my sweet, naive James. I did. Just a few months later, once I’d healed, I’d worked up the courage to go to the station. I think he broke the bone and my loyalty at the same time, because after that I was done watching him shove her around. I went to the cops—a lot of higher-ups are in good with the biggest megachurch in Whispersaw County. ‘That one may smile and smile and be a villain.’”
Fucking Hamlet was sure as fuck right about that.
“So there was an investigation,” I went on, “into the fact that I was a fucking liar, I suppose… Why do you think Dad had to do a number on my reputation? His crazy, bad-boy kid.”
“Oh my God, Kyle.” He pulled me back into his hold, and God, it felt so good, it made me hate myself.
I gritted my teeth as I took a breath.
Get it together, Kyle.
I pushed away again. “I don’t do this. I’m good. I’m fine. It made me tougher.”
“It did, but you don’t always have to be tough, Kyle.”
“Whatever,” I said, avoiding eye contact. Clearly, I was just strong enough to throw all my defenses back up.
I finally looked at him, and I could see he didn’t know how to help me. How could he? No one could make it better. No one could make this ache in my heart vanish. Not even my Big Man.
“I guess it was an awfully emotional trick.”
“A trick?” he asked.
“Yeah. Because now you have to share yours with me.”
“Fair is fair,” he said.
I could still tell he wanted to be there more for me than he could.
“Thank you,” I told him.
“What for? I’m not able to do anything for you.”
“It does more just telling someone than keeping that all to myself.”
“I’m glad I could be the one you trusted with it.”
Trust. Interesting word. I didn’t trust many people, but I trusted him. Maybe I was foolish to trust him, but I did.
“Kyle, I—”
A clicking sound came.
Fuck.
Our time together had gone too fast.
As Kendra popped in, I faced away and grabbed some books. I didn’t want her to see me looking like a mess.
“Good news. The sitter could get Finn, so I think we’ll be able to knock out a lot of this in no time.”
Although, I didn’t want to move too fast, since I knew once this was gone, one of the few opportunities I had to see James would vanish with it.
24
James
As I thumbed through an old photo album of me and my family, my eyes fixed on a picture of my little brother and his classic broad smile and bright eyes. The happiest kid in the world, at eight, holding up a catfish, eagerly displaying it for the camera, with me, rather oblivious that a picture was being taken, at his side.
I swept my thumb across the image of his face. Those full cheeks, speckled with freckles.
I needed the picture to really remember what his face looked like back then.
I was only ten at the time, so it made sense that the distant memory would feel elusive, but even more than that, they had nearly become inaccessible, as though my mind sought to tuck these into the darkest corners of my memory to protect me from the pain.
But without pain, there was no Cody.
Even memories from high school, from our late-night trips to the Shake Shack, I had to chase them through my mind to keep them from escaping me. It made me regret all those tear-streaked nights when I’d pushed those memories away to deny myself the agony, the pain that felt so potent, it could only lead to my end…
When Saturday came, Kyle and I worked together inside the house since we had too many decking supervisors arrive that day. We conversed and joked as usual, but the way we interacted made it evident things would never be the same between us after what he’d told me about that hospital bill.