Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 92777 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92777 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
Yes, of course he was right. I could see that now, all too clearly. I’d been using Gage to keep Travis at arm’s length. Because it meant my survival. I couldn’t risk it again, not now, just when I was finally feeling stronger, just when the sharpest edge of agony over that horrifying night had begun to fade, when finally, finally, the smell of smoke and ash wasn’t the first thing I swore I smelled when I woke.
I propelled myself off the bed, heading for the bathroom. I’d found peace out on the road, stopping only long enough to fund another stretch, forming no attachments, none at all. It’d been a relief. I couldn’t go backward. I didn’t have more heart to risk.
But right from the beginning, I’d sensed a kinship with Travis that defied words. It had scared me. Concerned me. And so I’d done what I thought I had to do to keep him in the box I’d carefully constructed for him.
Friends.
Then—though riskier—friends with benefits.
At first, I’d thought he wanted those things too.
How could he want more? His rebound status would ensure that he’d keep things casual. And in a way that had hurt, but in a way it had also comforted me.
And so I’d let my guard down.
Give us a chance, Haven.
The joy—the possibility—in those words still caused my heart to gallop, but they terrified me too, because chances were risky. Chances could go either way. Chances offered no guarantee.
I’d been forced to grieve. What kind of fool would I be to willingly put myself at risk of that again?
And the scariest part of all was that I saw a future with him too. The beautiful way it might look. I’d pictured it, clear as day, our bodies connected and our eyes locked as visions of wildflower meadows under a setting sun and a myriad of other visions—dreams—I wouldn’t think about now had flashed through my mind. Each time we were together and I was wrapped in the protective cocoon of his arms, the visions grew stronger and stronger until I could no longer shut them out.
And as I’d learned more about Travis, the question I’d asked as I’d sat reading about the terrible way his father had died was answered.
Who had helped Travis grieve? I’d wondered.
And the more he divulged about himself, about the shames and the burdens he carried, the more I realized that my hunch was correct: no one had. And so he’d tried to heal on his own and gone about it the wrong way. Maybe the hurt part of me that had never received any closure recognized the same wound in him.
And that had scared me too because it had made my heart reach for him, wanting—needing—to soothe, to care for, to love.
And so yes, I’d used Gage like a child’s wooden sword, held up against a monster looming out of the dark. A useless shield against something too mighty to fight.
And all a moot point because we were leaving.
I rinsed my toothbrush, setting it on the sink just as a knock sounded at the door. I stilled, meeting my own eyes in the mirror.
“Haven, open up.”
I huffed out a breath. Easton. Simultaneously, my heart sank and relief carried me quickly to the door.
I’m leaving in the morning.
He was really gone.
I pulled it open to see my disheveled brother, sporting a serious case of bedhead, his eyes bloodshot. “You look awful.”
“Thanks,” he said sarcastically, entering the room and sinking down onto the edge of the bed. I took a seat next to him, pulling my legs beneath me.
“Rough night?” I guessed.
“Nah. Good night. I went out with the guys from the firehouse. We had a few too many, but nothing worse than that.”
I sighed internally, watching him for a moment. “So what’s up?”
He paused, running his hand through his hair before meeting my eyes. “What do you think about staying here a little longer?”
“Staying?” My eyes widened. “What? In Pelion? No. Our plan—”
“I know what our plan is. But…I like it here. I fit in here.”
“You burned bridges here, Easton.”
“Chief Hale? No…I think…I mean, I don’t think he carries a grudge.” He looked away as if considering something he wasn’t saying.
Fear licked at my heart like the flames that had decimated our building, our life. I swallowed. Picturing a future with Travis was one thing. Knowing he might want one with me too, if that wanting could be trusted, was another. But staying to find out? Well…that would take a certain measure of courage I just didn’t have nor could I afford to gather.
“No. We have to keep moving.”
“What happens if you stop, Haven?”
My gaze snapped to his. “What?”
“What happens when you stop moving?”
My breath came short, heart picking up speed.
Easton stood, walking to the bed where he sat on the edge next to me. “Haven, what happens?”