Total pages in book: 132
Estimated words: 125465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 627(@200wpm)___ 502(@250wpm)___ 418(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 125465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 627(@200wpm)___ 502(@250wpm)___ 418(@300wpm)
If only I knew how long it would take. I don’t know how much longer we can go on like this, with me always afraid I’ll say the wrong thing and set him off. Nothing could change my feelings for him, but if I can’t show them for fear of him pushing me away? How long before something splinters beyond repair?
We need to get back to us. It’ll be up to me to get us there. He’s too lost, too deep in what he feels he needs to do.
I have to bring him out of that. Somehow.
With my heart in my throat, I approach him as quietly as I can manage, one slow step at a time. He must sense my approach, but he doesn’t move except to grip the windowsill with both hands.
Holding my breath, I reach out, placing a hand on his shoulder. A tingle runs up my arm at the slight contact. God, it hurts. Being with him and without him at the same time.
“I need you.” The entirety of my wounded, lonely heart is wrapped up in those three words. I can’t think of a better way to get my point across. “Please, don’t turn away from me.”
He keeps me waiting, staring out the window, but at least he doesn’t push my hand away. “I haven’t. It’s complicated.”
“It doesn’t need to be. Since when can’t you share things with me? This is me, Ren. Scarlet. You wanted me so much before.”
“I still do.”
“So why won’t you touch me? You’ve barely put a hand on me since the first night we were here together. Did I do something wrong? Please, tell me, so I can do better.”
“It has nothing to do with that.”
“What, then? Nothing has changed for me. I still want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything or anyone. You’re the only person who matters.” My voice cracks, and I’m almost embarrassed, but no. I won’t allow it. I have to let myself be vulnerable. Maybe then, he’ll understand these aren’t mere words.
I take a step, placing myself against his back. So close, but so far. It’s torture, standing here like this. Touching him, smelling him, and letting his warmth envelop me. Afraid of what happens if I go too far, yet not knowing what’s too far until I’ve already crossed a line.
“You know,” I whisper, “you owe me another first. It’s not my birthday, but you have lost time to make up for.”
He turns his head, looking at my hand before touching his lips to my fingers. A ghost of a smile appears on his face.
“You want to know why I haven’t fucked you yet? That’s the problem here?”
One of so many.
I try not to give away my disappointment. “You couldn’t keep your hands off me before, especially when we were alone. Now, we’re all alone in the middle of nowhere. No chance of anyone interrupting us, and you’re treating me like I have a disease.”
His slow, heavy sigh speaks volumes. “That’s not it at all. I’m not trying to keep you at arm’s distance. I’m trying to do the right thing. Once I slide inside you and claim you for the first time, there won’t be any taking back your virginity. There won’t be any changing who your first is, and I want to make certain I’m who you want.”
“Nothing has changed, Ren. I wanted you years ago, and I want you more now. I’ve known you would be the one to take my virginity. I saved it for you.” With my free hand, I traced the curve of his back, from broad shoulders down to his slim waist.
A shudder escapes him, his breath coming out shaky. That’s nothing compared to what’s happening inside me—the flood of emotion, the longing and hunger, the sense of hanging breathlessly at the edge of a precipice.
I wonder what will happen once I fall over. What’s waiting for me?
“You’ll always be mine after that. Once I claim you, there’s no going back. No escaping me.” He skims my knuckles with his lips, sending tiny goose bumps of pleasure up my arm, the sensation going straight to my core.
It’s almost too much. I can’t stand the intensity of the sensations he stirs up without trying. I need him so badly. More than air, more than water, or food. It never ends, this need, this hunger.
“I don’t want to escape you, ever.” Then I think twice about it as I lean in, resting my cheek against his back. “No. There will never be any decision. It would be like deciding to breathe.”
My breath catches when he turns and takes my face in his huge rough hands. Every time he holds me like this, I imagine him holding the most fragile piece of glass. “Still? You still want me, even after everything that’s happened? After what I told you I wanted to do? After the things that happened with your brother and knowing I’m the enemy.”