Touch of Hate Read Online J.L. Beck, Cassandra Hallman

Categories Genre: Alpha Male, Contemporary, Dark, Forbidden, Mafia, Romance Tags Authors: ,
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Total pages in book: 132
Estimated words: 125465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 627(@200wpm)___ 502(@250wpm)___ 418(@300wpm)
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No, no, this is all wrong. How did I screw up so spectacularly? “I’m sorry.” Thanks to my shaking hand, my spoon rattles against the edge of the bowl, so I drop it in favor of digging my nails into my palms and wishing I would learn to keep my mouth shut.

Silence falls between us, so thick and uncomfortable that it leaves me squirming in my seat. The pop of wood in the stove makes me jump, but Ren doesn’t seem to notice. He’s busy brooding. I made him feel like I don’t trust him or something, I guess. Like I don’t believe he can make this work.

Right? Is that it? How do I know if I don’t ask?

I know better than to ask.

I can’t sit here like this forever. I miss him, and he’s sitting across from me. A few feet away. But that’s just his body. His soul—everything that makes him Ren—is far away. Lost behind years’ worth of resentment and a thirst for vengeance.

I know none of this is about me.

But I miss him. I want him back.

“I have a confession to make.” It’s a whisper and a choked one at that, but at least I managed to get it out. Speaking didn’t kill me.

His gaze meets mine from beneath his lowered brow. Nothing about his demeanor encourages me to continue, but I have to. I need to bring him back to me and break through the stress and strain of what I know weighs on him. He’s been alone for too long. He can’t stand letting me get too close after spending years answering only to himself, with nobody to help him.

“When we were talking about the camping trip, I wasn’t completely honest.” I raise my shoulders, wincing. “I wasn’t actually afraid of the dark.”

“No?”

“No. I made a big deal about it so you would pay attention to me. I know, it’s stupid,” I admit with a laugh. “But I already had such a huge crush on you, and I knew you only looked at me like a little sister you needed to protect. So I figured that was a good way to at least make sure you comforted me.”

He stays silent, content to stare at me. Shit. This isn’t working, is it? No, I can’t give up. Not on Ren.

“And the harder I cried, the more attention you gave me.” I shrug, folding my arms and putting on the same playful, flirtatious act I used to give him back in the day. “Really, it’s your fault. If you had told me to shut up and deal with it like Q did, it would’ve been a different story. But no, you had to go and be all heroic and protective, and my twelve-year-old heart ate it up with a spoon.”

I can’t help but smile fondly at the memory. Sure, I was a complete brat to drag the two of them away from a camping trip they’d been looking forward to, but it wasn’t like I set out trying to cut the trip short. And when Ren suggested we go home because I was so freaked out, I couldn’t backpedal. Q would’ve picked up on it right away. I was sort of trapped.

“Kids do stupid things,” I conclude, still grinning. “But even then, I knew you were special. I couldn’t get you off my mind or out of my heart any more than I can now. It was always you.”

He nods slowly, his mouth set in a firm line. “Yeah. I have a habit of thinking I can save you, don’t I?”

There’s nothing to do but let my mouth drop open in dismay when he stands, taking my bowl along with his and putting them in the sink. “Looks like it bit me in the ass that time.”

What the hell?

I can’t peel my eyes away from the back of his head as he washes the dishes. It isn’t until the pain in my palms screams loud enough for me to notice it that I realize I’ve broken the skin, nails having pierced both hands.

It doesn’t hurt anywhere near as much as being dismissed so coldly.

Just last night, we were joking about the camping trip. He’s the one who brought it up, for God’s sake. I hadn’t thought about that trip in years.

Now? We might as well be strangers, all because I made the mistake of caring about him and my family at the same time. Is this how it’s always going to be? Having to choose between them? Because I’m not sure I can.

He’s my choice, now and always, but they still care about me. Mom couldn’t stand the thought of me flying to Corium—I can’t imagine what she must be going through now. Is it so wrong to want to lessen their stress? Why would I want to hurt them all because I love him?


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