Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 74226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
They can’t be talking about actual whipping. I refuse to believe it.
Turns out, it doesn’t matter what I refuse to believe. There’s no stopping them from taking me inside, where the windows are covered in cardboard and there’s hardly a trace of fresh air. It’s stale in here, but what’s worse is the underlying stench of blood and piss.
It’s when they untie my wrists and force me face-first over a bench that I finally get it. They’re not bluffing. Not when one of them wraps leather cuffs around my wrists to hold my arms in place against the bench’s underside. “No,” I grunt, fighting to get up and failing when a hand in the middle of my back shoves me down.
Then it lifts my hoody, exposing my back. Sheer terror blooms in my chest and comes out as a throaty scream. “No! Don’t do this!”
I’m talking to myself.
And once the whipping begins, once my skin splits and white-hot pain consumes my every thought, my voice finally breaks. Not that it matters.
There’s nobody around to hear me who actually cares.
6
REN
Idon’t understand what happened.
It’s been days since I woke up alone in bed at the cabin, with my head pounding. I still don’t know why, and the dull ache I can’t shake is like a constant reminder of that first horrible moment when I figured out the truth.
She left me. All her talk about wanting to stay with me, the two of us against everybody, it was all lies. I don’t want to believe that, but the evidence is kind of in front of my face. I can’t ignore it. She didn’t even leave a note to explain why she ran off. She just… walked away.
But River wrote a note. River told me all about what they did when I must’ve been unconscious after whatever caused my head to hurt the way it did. I can’t make any sense out of it, but I know his writing.
When I look down at my fists, I understand why I feel pain in my hands. They’re clenched so tight my nails are biting into my palms. I don’t really care, pain doesn’t last forever. At least, my physical pain won’t. Even my head hurts a lot less than it did when I first woke up alone in the cabin. There are other kinds of pain that can last a lot longer.
Like knowing the woman you love had sex with your brother.
Like knowing she left you right after.
He always said he knew her better than I did, right? I wouldn’t be surprised if he fucked her just to prove a point that she could never be trusted.
This isn’t the time for me to think about River, but his warnings won’t stop repeating in my head. She doesn’t understand us, she’s not part of this, she can’t help us. I was so sure he was wrong. I would’ve bet my life on it.
I’m starting to think he was right all along. He saw something in her I didn’t. He wasn’t stupid enough to fall in love with somebody who would desert him when he needed them the most. Not like me.
I’m not even sure what I’m doing here in Reno. It seemed like the only place to go back when I was totally confused and brokenhearted. Somehow, I have to make something out of this whole fucked-up mess. If I had to lose Scarlet, I need for it to be worthwhile in the big picture.
I guess part of me figured I would either end Rebecca or myself. One or the other.
Now, though? I’m stuck. There’s no going back, but I can’t find a way to move forward. Because I’m alone. I can’t even get River to talk to me. I guess he figures I’ve betrayed him enough.
There’s no way for me to tell him I was wrong. That I haven’t lost sight of what matters. Maybe I was a little confused. I might’ve lost focus, but I’m back. My head’s on straight now. I want him to know that. I need him to know that.
But he’s done with me just like Scarlet is. Both of them left me when I needed them the most.
I’m disgusted by this cheesy hotel room, even if it’s been my refuge while I try to get myself together and figure out my next steps. I wonder how many people just like me have slept here. Maybe they were down on their luck, thinking they finally found the answer to all their problems. Maybe they lost everything they had and didn’t know where to turn next.
I fall into that second category, though it’s not slot machines to blame for everything I’ve lost. It’s not me, either—not completely. I made my choices, and some of them were the wrong choices, but I didn’t start any of this. Neither did River.