Total Chaos (Love and Lyrics #3) Read Online Nikki Ash

Categories Genre: Contemporary, Drama, Erotic, Romance Tags Authors: Series: Love and Lyrics Series by Nikki Ash
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Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 79553 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 398(@200wpm)___ 318(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
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“So where do we go from here?” she asks, her eyes filled with tears. I want to pull her into my arms and tell her the only place we go from here is to the bedroom, so I can make love to her because I’ve missed the hell out of her. But I can’t do that because I’m too hurt.

“Fuck, Kendall, I don’t want to push you away, but I need some time.” Her eyes flutter closed, and I hate that I’m hurting her. I palm her cheek, and she opens her eyes, sadness and regret filling them. “This all sucks. It feels like no matter what I do, it’s never enough to show you how much I love you. That I want you, every broken piece of you, forever.”

She chokes out a sob. “I’m so sorry, Dec. I know I messed up. I know you love me. I just… I really thought by letting you go, I was saving you, and I hear what you’re saying, but I… I didn’t see it like that. All I kept thinking is how you deserve better than this… better than me.”

“I want to believe you, but at the same time, I think you used this as a chance to run. I know I fucked up by not telling you that we were together, but regardless, when you found out that you were pregnant, you should’ve come to me. Instead, you did what you always do… you ran.

“And I get it. Running is what you’ve been doing for years. But up until now, you were running from guys who weren’t me. Who don’t love you the way I do. We promised each other forever. You should’ve trusted in our love enough to know that no matter what, I would stand by you, and we’d make the decision together.

“The worst part is, you didn’t just run. You left. I’m supposed to be your partner, your best friend. I chased after you, but you wouldn’t let me catch you.”

Sobs wrack Kendall’s body, and I hate how upset she is. It can’t be good for the babies. But I don’t know what to do or how to handle this entire fucked-up situation.

“I guess I’ll go,” she says, giving me the saddest damn smile. Even through the worst of times, she tries so hard to keep that wall up so the world thinks everything is okay. I'll never fully understand how a woman could be so strong yet vulnerable.

With her hand on her belly and her head hanging, she turns on her heel, ready to leave. But something in me screams to stop her from walking out the door. Yeah, she hurt me, but she’s hurting too. And it’s during the moments when we think someone deserves to be punished that what they really need is to be loved.

And if I want her to let me in, to stop running, pushing her away isn’t the way to do it. I have to show her that she’s safe with me. Safe to fuck up. Safe to make mistakes. Because no matter what, I’ll be here. Always.

“Stay.”

She stops in her place and glances over her shoulder. “What?”

“Stay with me tonight.”

Her eyes widen. “Are you being serious?”

“Yeah. Stay here, please.”

“Wha…What does that mean?” she asks, her words filled with nervous hope.

“It means that I love you, and I want you in my arms and in my bed. We can figure everything else out tomorrow.”

Tears stream down her face as she cuts back across the room. I wrap her up tightly in my arms and kiss the top of her head, inhaling her scent. Fuck, I’ve missed her so much. Maybe I’m a sap for forgiving her so easily, but I don’t care. All I want to do is love Kendall, and staying mad over shit isn’t the way to go about it.

She grabs one of my shirts and changes into it, then crawls into my bed. “I need to call my mom. She called while we were talking.” She puts the phone to her ear, and a second later, she says, “Hey, Mom… Yeah, I’m okay.” I can’t hear what her mom is saying, but while she listens, she chews on her bottom lip, telling me she’s nervous. “I’m sorry. I was in the middle of talking to Declan.” A soft chuckle. “Can we talk about it tomorrow? Okay, see you in the morning. Love you, bye.”

She hangs up and eyes me. “The last she heard, I was going to tell Kyle about the pregnancy.”

“How’d it go?”

“I didn’t tell him. After I saw him banging Britney and remembered everything that happened, I left and came here.”

I nod in understanding and open my arms for her, silently telling her to lie with me. She scoots down and snuggles into my side, then lays her head on my chest, her arm encircling my torso.


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