Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 92782 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92782 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
My sentiments exactly.
If there was a God, he sure as fuck wasn’t a fan of mine. I had believed that the love of my life was my first love, and I’d lost her, so I’d live the rest of my life, not knowing how it felt to have… this. To go to bed at night, holding someone I didn’t want to live without; to feel joy from the sound of her laughter; to have a family and watch our kids grow. I had made my peace with it.
Until Liberty.
Now, that life was all I thought about. I was mourning something I knew I couldn’t keep. It would be selfish to do so, and I couldn’t be selfish with her.
“Then, you’re gonna put a ring on it,” he said.
My chest burned, and I wished he’d brought the bottle of whiskey over here if we were gonna have this conversation.
I shook my head. “No, I’m not.”
Tex dropped his glass onto the table. “Why the fuck not?”
“I don’t think I can have her and lose her. I wouldn’t be able to survive that.”
Tex sat back, staring at me like he didn’t understand it. What was so hard for him to get? Did he not see it?
“You’re already planning a future breakup that might not happen? I don’t want you slamming your fist in my face, too, but, Prez, that’s weak. There’s a country song about this, probably several, but the point is, you don’t want to miss the best thing that ever happened to you because you’re afraid. Yeah, it might fucking end.” He paused, then let out a sigh. “And she could die. You survived that before. Don’t let it be what holds you back.”
It took me a minute to figure out what he was saying, and then it dawned on me that he thought that I was afraid I’d lose her like I had Etta. This had nothing to do with Etta. Yes, I had loved her, but I’d been a kid. I wasn’t that kid anymore. I’d lived life.
I knew that every day was a gift and we weren’t promised tomorrow. But this wasn’t about death taking her from me. This was about the inevitable—time. I would grow old, and she would be years behind me. Men her age would come along, and the old man she was shackled to would be a weight.
“One day, she’ll turn around, and I’ll be seventy years old, and she … won’t be.”
35
Liberty
All the things that needed to be said had been swept under the rug, and it was my fault too. I might as well have held up the damn rug while he did the sweeping. Why? Because the idea of rocking the boat and losing what we had right now had me doing whatever I had to in order to hold on. Every day that we spent together, it felt more secure. It was no longer just me, and I knew that. He didn’t say it, but he felt something. It was more than a jealous, maniacal outburst.
Liam Walsh might not love me—yet—but he was falling. I could see it in the way he looked at me. Not just when our gazes connected during sex either. I would catch him watching me doing something as simple as cooking or watching television, and I’d look up, and his eyes would tell me what he couldn’t say.
So, yes, I was letting go of the entire horror that had happened with Country.
Liam had moved my OB-GYN to one here in Ocala that his daughter also used. He didn’t want me going back to Miami anytime soon. It was obvious, even if he didn’t say it.
The group text I had with Nina, Dolly, and Goldie helped keep me connected to them. I did miss them, but right now, I was at the only place I wanted to be. With Liam.
My next appointment, the one where we’d find out the gender, was tomorrow. We were at the halfway mark, and I still had no idea what to plan for after the baby came.
I kept waiting for him to mention turning the unused room upstairs into a nursery, but nothing. Not even a peep about the things the baby would need once it arrived. Once we knew what it was, I had to start thinking about that. And if Liam wasn’t going to give me any clarity, then I had to get a good job. One with normal hours, health insurance, and security.
I’d gone online and found samples of résumés, then made one of my own in Liam’s home office he never used. I printed it out and sent it in to several different places, but so far, I’d not heard from any of them.
I finished putting in the burning bush around the oak tree closest to the house, then stood up to stand back and admire them. The sound of the gate opening caught my attention, and I stepped around the tree to see a silver Mercedes SUV coming down the drive. I didn’t know that car, but for them to have the code to get through the gate meant they had been invited.