Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 100713 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 504(@200wpm)___ 403(@250wpm)___ 336(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100713 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 504(@200wpm)___ 403(@250wpm)___ 336(@300wpm)
Her hands paused over mine. “Oh?”
“Yes,” I said, latching on to a safer way to get at what I wanted to ask her, a way that would not be lying exactly, but didn’t involve quite the level of honesty and vulnerability Moretti had mentioned. “None of the candidates that replied to my ad were really right for the job, so I was wondering if maybe you wanted it. I could make it a full-time position with good hourly pay.”
She kept her eyes on our hands and started rubbing the polish off one of my nails again.
“I’ve been thinking about it ever since we had that conversation about you moving back to Bellamy Creek. I was supposed to think up a reason, remember?”
“And . . . that’s what you came up with? That’s why I should move up here?”
My pulse skittered sideways. “Yes.”
She was silent for a moment. “Would that—would that be the only reason for me to move here? The job?”
“Would you need another reason?”
She glanced up at me. “Yes. I have a job already. And I like it.”
“I know that.”
She said nothing, and the longer she stayed silent, the more I panicked.
“No pressure, obviously.” I tried to sound casual, like it didn’t matter to me if she moved back or not. “I was just thinking that the job would offer you some, you know, security if you decided to make the move.”
“Give me your other hand.”
I did as she asked.
She rubbed the polish off my other thumbnail without saying a word for a minute. “I guess I was just hoping you’d give me a reason that had more to do with you, or with us, than job security.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, even though I knew exactly what she meant.
“I don’t know, I just—maybe I misread the situation.” She dropped my hand and met my eyes. The joy and hope had gone out of hers. “Do you see this relationship going somewhere, Beckett? Or are you just guaranteeing me gainful employment if I want to move to Bellamy Creek?”
“That’s—that’s the only guarantee I can offer you.”
She nodded slowly. “I see.”
“You could live somewhere close by, maybe in a neighborhood that has some kids for Elliott to play with.” Every word out of my stupid fucking mouth got worse. “He could go to our old schools.”
“Right. Well . . .” She looked toward the kitchen, a tear slipping down her cheek. “You’ve certainly given me something to think about.”
“Maddie, I—” I tried to swallow the golf ball in my throat and couldn’t. “I’ve never made you any promises I couldn’t keep. And I don’t want to start now.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to.” Another tear fell. “I’ve never asked you to.”
“You’re upset,” I said. “I warned you I’m bad at this.”
“I’m okay. Really.” She brushed the tear aside and tried to smile. “I appreciate your honesty. I’d rather know now how you feel.”
None of the shit I was saying reflected how I actually felt, but I didn’t know how to turn this ship around and stay afloat. “Look, you know I care about you. But I can’t ask you to change your life just for me.”
“Why not?”
Agitated, I got to my feet. “Because I don’t have the right. It wouldn’t be fair to ask you to take such a huge leap when the odds are not in our favor. I’ve thought this through.”
She shook her head like she didn’t get it. “What odds?”
“The odds that two people can make each other happy forever. The numbers just aren’t there. It’s a bad investment.”
“A bad investment,” she repeated.
“Yes.” I ran a hand through my hair and continued deflecting. “If a client had come to me and said they were going to sink their life savings into an investment with this amount of risk, I’d say don’t do it.”
She rested her forehead on her fingertips.
“If—if I knew that a herd of cattle needed a certain type of grass to stay alive, I wouldn’t put them in a pasture where that grass wouldn’t grow.” Even I knew how ridiculous I sounded.
She stood up, dropping her arms. “I understand the statistics, Beckett. I’m good at math. But what about feelings? Don’t they matter?”
“Feelings change.” I stood up taller, puffing up my chest. “People change. And people get hurt. It’s not worth it.”
She nodded, looking at me for a long moment, her face registering new understanding. “I see your point. And I’m grateful for your honesty. All my life, I’ve had a tendency to look for love in the wrong places, and I can see I’ve been doing that here.”
“Maddie—” I started toward her.
“No, don’t.” She held out one hand and moved away from me. “This isn’t your fault. I haven’t been entirely honest with you, maybe not even with myself. The truth is, I thought I could just be with you for fun and not want more than you could give. But I was deluding myself.”