Total pages in book: 235
Estimated words: 227851 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1139(@200wpm)___ 911(@250wpm)___ 760(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 227851 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1139(@200wpm)___ 911(@250wpm)___ 760(@300wpm)
“Jesus,” I whisper, dragging the back of my hand across my brow, feeling the sweat. Dripping. The dinner plate isn’t in front of me anymore, a dessert is instead. Still no appetite. But I could really use a drink.
“Good luck, Jesse.”
I follow the voice to Ava’s father, startling when everyone in the room laughs and cheers. What the fuck’s going on? Ava looks tearful. I find John. His forehead is a map of concern as he silently asks me what the fuck is wrong with me through his hard stare. I shake my head, reading the room, and laugh with them. I need a cold shower. I grab my water and gulp it back, setting my empty glass down and looking at Ava. She’s given me her eyes now. Oblivious to the nightmare I just relived. This shouldn’t be happening, not ever, but especially not today. And I can’t help but think that my uncertainty is the reason for my past creeping into this monumental occasion. Ava and I need to have a conversation, and the more she avoids it, the more I sense she’s hiding the facts from me. And the more I worry, because to hide something is to be ashamed of it. To not want anyone to see it. And I know that more than anyone in the room.
I need her to know there’s nothing to be afraid of. I’m here, always here, and I am worthy of her faith. I deserve her trust. She should depend on me, lean on me, and everything will work out in the end.
I remove my arse from the chair and get on my knees before her, making sure she’s facing me, my hands holding hers, our eyes glued. “Ava, my beautiful girl,” I say quietly, seeing her glance around the room briefly. “All mine,” I reiterate, reminding her that all of these people won’t stop me. Never. I reach up and kiss her. “I don’t need to stand up and declare to everyone here how much I love you,” I say, not loudly, but loud enough. “I’m not interested in satisfying anyone of that.” I squeeze her hands, and she bites her lip, definitely to suppress her sob. “Except you.” I don’t know how this has happened, what I was thinking when I took those pills, but something way out of my control was guiding me, and I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried. And now we’re here on our wedding day, not talking, doubting too many things. “You’ve taken me completely, baby,” I go on softly. “You’ve swallowed me up and drowned me in your beauty and spirit.” Made me do crazy things, say crazy things, see crazy things. “You know I can’t function without you. You’ve made my life as beautiful as you are. You’ve made me want to live a worthy existence—a life with you. All I need is you. To look at you. To listen to you. To feel you.” I move my hands to her thighs and apply pressure, reinforcing my words, not taking my eyes off hers. She’s weeping now. So fucking emotional. “To love you,” I finish softly. It’s all I’m here for now. To love this woman forever and beyond. Purpose. “I need you to let me do all of those things, Ava.” My voice cracks. “I need you to let me look after you forever.” I try to smile and fail, hoping she reads between the lines. If I have her, I’m a better man. If I have her, there can be only light. If I have her, my past will heal and rest.
Hope.
She nods, snivels, tries so hard to smile. “I know.”
So let me.
I stand and pull her up for a cuddle, hugging her fiercely and feeling her cling to me with what cannot be mistaken as anything but love. And love always wins.
I’m immune to the riotous applause, could not give two shits what anyone makes of this. So long as Ava is reminded.
“Jesse Ward.” Elizabeth muscles in on our moment, and I sigh. “I love you,” she says, surprising me. “But please remove those handcuffs from my daughter.”
And there it is. “Not going to happen, Elizabeth.”
She quickly moves out of my space, allowing Kate to attack. I catch her, definitely feeling her wobble as she rains praise all over me. I pull her out of my chest, frowning down at her, as Ava’s hauled away. And we’re back to sharing each other again, our arms at full length between us. “Are you okay, Kate?” I ask.
“Sure,” she chirps, pushing her palms into my chest and getting away. Escaping. I seek Sam out. He’s laughing with Drew and John.
Ava catches my eye, her gaze begging me to rescue her. She doesn’t have to ask twice. I pull her to me and start leading her away, throwing warning looks everywhere.