Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 96284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
That was kinda the same day my cousins had become extra brothers. From that moment on, my siblings and I had a new home. I’d woken up that morning, everything was gravy, we were ready for school, Mom made us breakfast, Pop was in a good mood, whistling to himself, passing Mom with a smack to her butt that made Francis and me groan in embarrassment, and then we were off. Mom hollered for us not to be late, and the distant, “I love you, you wackadoos!” as we ran down the street.
I set the water bottle on the kitchen island and exhaled heavily.
I remembered staring at the news, completely transfixed, counting the stories of the North Tower, trying to figure out what floor Mom was on—if she’d stood a chance. And how high up Dad and my uncle got. Only a single firefighter from their battalion had survived.
My parents had loved each other so damn hard.
Jake positioned himself next to me and draped an arm around my shoulders. Then he pressed his lips to the side of my head. “It’s ultimately up to you, but I don’t want you to torture yourself.”
I closed my eyes and drew a deep breath. I didn’t let the pain out of its box. My sorrow these days made itself known when I was with my boy. Certain moments when I thought, fuck, I really wish Mom and Dad could’ve met my son.
I would’ve allowed them to be smug after my teenage bullshit of swearing up and down I’d never have kids. Easy for me to say when I’d been sharing a room with my annoying brother. I’d changed my tune not too long after. Because family was where it was at. Family was everything. Including Jake and his runts. I loved them to pieces.
“I’m gonna do New York too.” I cleared my throat and glanced at him. It wasn’t often I got to be so close to him, so I savored the moment. “We’ll bring the kids and let my aunt feed us till we can’t walk. You and Francis can gang up on me because I don’t speak Jarhead.”
Jake smiled a little. “Sounds good to me, but if you change your mind…”
I nodded. I could step out for a break and let him take over.
“I’ll let Daddy Jake swoop in and save the day,” I promised.
Too much seriousness lingered in his eyes, despite the faint smirk. “I’m not gonna apologize for bein’ protective of you, Roe.”
Fuck you.
He couldn’t say that to me. If only he fucking knew how easily he reeled me in and ruined all my progress. The past two years, I’d actively tried to erect walls around myself, and he just knocked them down over and over.
I mustered a grin and put some distance between us, ’cause I sorely needed it. I played off the severity with a dumb joke, and I excused myself to go take a leak in the bathroom down the hall.
“Can you get my charger in my bedroom on the way back?” he asked. “I’m gonna unplug the Xbox and turn off the sprinklers in the backyard.”
“Sure thing.”
Distance, distance, distance.
Hell, I’d been in need of distance from Jake for longer than two years. He didn’t even know he was the person who’d made me realize I was bi. I’d had thoughts in the past, fleeting moments of maybe, possibly, and then I’d met this bastard.
The day he introduced me to Colin, the morning after he’d been born, that’d been the final nail in the coffin. I’d known. I’d felt it. I’d soaked up Jake’s unbridled happiness, mingled with worries and exhaustion, his murmured, “I can’t fucking believe I’m a dad,” and I’d become a lost cause.
Here we were, nearly five years later. I’d named my son after him. He’d named his daughter after me. We’d had one unforgettable night in Las Vegas right around the time Jake had been…I could only call it desperate. He’d been desperate, drunk off his ass, and scared to lose me. Man, had we crossed lines that night.
Luckily for me, he’d never appeared repulsed by what’d happened. If anything, he’d told me not to pull away. Our friendship was sacred to both of us.
I didn’t linger in the bathroom long. I didn’t actually need to take a leak. I washed my hands for no reason, and then I headed next door to his bedroom.
Mental note: buy more chargers. The ones we had at the house didn’t always connect.
I grabbed his charger from behind his nightstand, and I spotted a notebook next to the lamp. That was funny. I had one of those too. You never knew when an idea would strike. Sometimes, I woke up in the middle of the night, and I jotted down something random that didn’t always make sense in the light of day.