Total pages in book: 123
Estimated words: 114467 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114467 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
“That’s the problem. You didn’t,” he says and then a honk stops him from talking. “I have to go, but we are going to have this conversation,” he says and just walks away, leaving me standing in the middle of the sidewalk. As the night creeps by, my eyes never shut, and at six a.m., I finally give up.
I put on my shoes, and I leave a note on the front table. I’ve had enough of this wishy-washy bullshit, and it’s going to stop. I get into the Uber I ordered when I made the plan in my head and thought this was a good idea. But now standing here and pressing the button, I want to turn around and run away, but it buzzes, and I walk into the lobby I said I would never go back to. Up the elevator that holds the darkest day for me.
My heart starts to speed up, my hands start to get clammy, and I’m suddenly worried he’s there with someone. What if he wanted to talk to me because he’s with someone else? My hand flies to my stomach, and I swallow down the bile that keeps rising.
The elevator door pings, and I think about changing my mind. I think about leaving and just denying I was ever here, but when the elevator finally opens, he’s standing there in the middle of the hallway just looking at me. “Well, here goes nothing,” I say, getting off the elevator.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Viktor
The doorbell rings the second the coffee machine stops. I look at the clock over the stove and see it’s a little past six thirty. I walk to the buzzer and buzz up the person. I wonder if maybe it’s Mark coming to get his truck. I open the door and stand in the hallway, and when the elevator doors open, I see her. She’s wearing black rubber boots with a sweater and a black vest. Even wearing a baseball cap, she is the most beautiful thing that I’ve ever seen. I suck in a breath when she sees me, and our eyes meet.
She walks out of the elevator toward me, and my heart just speeds up, and I swear I think I’m going to have a heart attack. “Um,” I say, at a loss for words.
“Sorry, I couldn’t sleep, and I kept replaying the words you said over and over in my head,” she says softly. “Can we talk?”
“Yeah,” I say, walking back and motioning to the apartment with my hands. “Come in. Do you want coffee?” I ask her, scared as fuck she’ll walk into this room and see the scene from when she was here last.
“I can make a coffee, and you can go put on a shirt,” she says, and I secretly smile, hoping that I have that effect on her. That she still cares for me and I haven’t ruined what was the best thing I’ve ever had. I nod at her and walk toward my bedroom and grab a T-shirt and then walk back out while I put it on. She’s taken off her hat and the vest, and she sits on the couch.
“Sorry to barge in on you,” she says, and I go and sit next to her. I’ve sat next to her on so many other occasions, but something about this time is different. “Listen, I know that the last time we saw each other …”
“I really want to start,” I say. She looks at me, and I have to get up or I’m going to grab her by the ponytail and just kiss her instead of saying what I need to say. “I’ve rehearsed this speech over and over in my head so many times, and now I’m drawing a blank,” I tell her, and now I start to pace.
“Do you want to sit down?” she asks me, and I just shake my head.
“No,” I say and shake my hands to get the nerves out of them. “I don’t even know how to start this,” I tell her. “There is so much I want to say, so much that I need to say, but …”
“But?” she says, waiting for me to continue.
“But it’s not pretty. And you come from a family that’s pretty and perfect.”
“No one is perfect,” she tells me.
“You,” I finally say. “You’re perfect.”
“There is a reason that a recovering addict can’t fall in love the first year,” I start there. “And that is because you replace one addiction with another.” She blinks away tears. “I’m fucking this up.” I snap my fingers. “When I first saw you, I was like whoa,” I say, and she smiles. “But then the only thing I could think is look away.”
“Okay,” she says.
“But then I got to know you, and every single time, I ignored the pull, and then you gave me these gifts, and I knew I was in trouble.” I look down and then up. “Even if I wanted to, I don’t think I could have stopped falling in love with you.” Her mouth opens now in shock. “And that kiss, that kiss has been the star of every single dream I’ve had since you left.” I run my hands through my hair. “I didn’t touch the drugs.”