Total pages in book: 114
Estimated words: 106346 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 532(@200wpm)___ 425(@250wpm)___ 354(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106346 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 532(@200wpm)___ 425(@250wpm)___ 354(@300wpm)
“I need a place to crash until tomorrow,” he says. He walks to the fridge, and I see his hands shake just a touch.
“No freaking way are you going to stay here while you’re high,” I say, shaking my head. “Not a chance in hell.”
“I’m not high,” he says. Grabbing the chocolate milk that I splurged on for Dylan, he opens the top and drinks straight out of the container. “I’m just a little shaky. I think I’m coming down with something.”
“Yeah,” I say, shaking my head. “I bet.” I might have been in the dark at the beginning, but after all this time, I know the signs. He’s coming down from his high, and if he doesn’t get it soon, he’s going to get all grumpy and then twitchy.
“Look, I just need a shower and a place to crash, and then I’ll be gone,” he says, and I keep telling myself it’s the last time. I can’t do this anymore, that next time it’s going to be a no and get out. “You just have to tell your boyfriend to come back tomorrow,” he says with a sneer before he walks into the bathroom and closes the door.
“Give me strength,” I say under my breath, and the bedroom door opens and out comes Dylan.
“Where is Dad?” he asks, looking around, and then he hears the shower turn on. “Is Justin your boyfriend?”
“No,” I say, shaking my head, “he’s not.” I ignore the way my chest feels. “What do you want to eat for dinner?” I ask, ignoring the singing from the shower.
“Do we have fish sticks?” he asks, hopeful that I picked up his favorite ones, and I just smile and nod my head. “Yes,” he says, closing his fist and cocking it back.
I make dinner for the three of us, and Dylan tells him all about the hockey camp and all about his new skates. Then they sit down and watch hockey videos, or actually Dylan watches the videos while Andrew sleeps. I want to kick him to tell him to get the fuck up and get the fuck out. I look at the man I once loved, or at the very least liked a lot, and I decide this is the last time I let him come into my home. This is the last time I help him.
When it’s time for bed, I close the door and slip in with Dylan. “Good night,” I say to Dylan, and by the time I turn to face him, he is softly snoring. I don’t know what time I fall asleep, but I hear the door open and then close, and I know that Andrew has gone. Walking out to the living room, I find the couch empty and go to the door and lock it behind him.
I don’t sleep the rest of the night. I toss and turn, and when my alarm goes off the next morning, I drag myself out of bed. The thick air in the room is making it unbearable. “I’m going to take a shower,” I tell Dylan, who just grumbles and turns to go back to sleep. I walk to the bathroom, not bothering to turn on the light and step under the cool water. With my eyes closed, I think about the only thing I have been thinking about all night. Justin. His face, the hurt in his eyes, the way my chest hurt when he walked away. I put up walls for this reason. I put up walls so I don’t have this pain anymore.
I get out and dry myself off, ignoring the voices in my head telling me he’s different. I know he is. He comes from a great family, and he is going to make some woman very, very happy. I slip my shorts back on, and when I open the door, I stop in my tracks when I find Dylan standing there with tears running down his face. “He took it,” he says between sobs and hitched breaths. He’s holding the hockey bag, and all the new equipment is gone. “He took it all.”
A hand goes to my mouth as I watch my son’s world shatter. “Honey, I’m sure he’ll bring it back,” I say, knowing full well that I am lying to him. It’s gone; it’s all gone. “Why don’t you put on what you were wearing yesterday, and you can take your other equipment for the day? I’ll drive around and see if I can find your dad.”
“Justin gave me all that stuff,” he says, sitting down now. “It was all new.” I walk to him and sit next to him as he cries in my arms. I thought I hated Andrew before, but I was wrong. This right here is the last straw. I’m done trying to be the good person, and I’m done trying to pretend that everything is fine in front of Dylan. I never wanted him to know about his father and the demons that he had, but I can’t hide him from it anymore. I can shield him as much as I can, but I refuse to have Dylan hurt this way again.