This Christmas Read Online Heidi McLaughlin

Categories Genre: Alpha Male Tags Authors:
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Total pages in book: 53
Estimated words: 50080 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 250(@200wpm)___ 200(@250wpm)___ 167(@300wpm)
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But it was because it brought me Caryn.

She sleeps soundly next to me without a care in the world. After we talked earlier, I asked if she wanted to go to Main Street with me to look at the window displays, but she informed me she’d had enough of the small town for the day. Can’t say I blame her. I didn’t exactly do my part in keeping her from falling, but had she changed her shoes, she might have stayed upright.

Still, had Evangeline not been standing there, I would’ve paid more attention to Caryn. This makes me the worst fiancé ever, not to mention a shitty human. It’s my job to protect Caryn, most of the time from herself. I know she has free will and can decide whether she wants to listen to me or not, but I grew up here and I knew better than to let her walk where the trees were.

“You’re thinking too loud,” she says, groaning out the words.

“Sorry, go back to sleep.”

Caryn turns onto her side and lifts her eye mask. The first few nights we spent together, it was romantic, her sleeping in my arms. That didn’t last long. We rarely stayed at my place, which in the grand scheme of things was fine, since I lived in a tiny studio. The cuddling turned into a you-have-a-side-of-the-bed-and-I-have-mine situation. The eye mask, hair bonnet, and the green goop she puts on her face that she swears keeps from aging, became a thing.

I like to cuddle, nuzzle, and hold her at night. Nothing keeps me calmer than burying my nose in her hair. But Caryn doesn’t want to be touched at night.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing,” I tell her as I turn on my side. The nothing isn’t wholly inaccurate unless I combine it with everything . . . nothing but everything.

Knowing she won’t approve, I reach for her and attempt to pull her closer. Her body stiffens and I stop. I strain to keep the frown off my face. If she’s still upset with me, I wish she’d tell me so I can try to fix it.

“Did you love her?”

“Yes,” I say without hesitation.

“What about when we met?”

“Yes.” I was heartbroken when I met Caryn. She was like a guiding light to something brighter. I think, had I not met her when I did, I would’ve come home and groveled for forgiveness. But I stayed.

And now here I am.

“Do you still love her?”

“I think part of me will always love her.” I shrug, even though Caryn can’t see me. “She was my first everything.” First kiss, first date, first love, first everything else.

“I don’t love the guy I lost my virginity to,” she says bluntly. I want to tell her that’s because she was at one of her father’s corporate parties and she should’ve called the cops on the man she slept with. But I don’t.

“What about your first boyfriend?”

“You’re my first boyfriend, Zane. The other guys, they were just casual dates. Men my parents set me up with in the hope I’d fall for one.”

“Is that what I am? Someone your parents wanted you with?”

Her father introduced us at a work function, months after I arrived. It never occurred to me that they might have set us up. Now that I think back to those days, I was depressed and missing Evangeline, so it all makes sense. Mr. Bamford was adamant I go to work functions, have dinner with his family, come out to the house in the Hamptons.

Each time, Caryn was there.

Each time, they sent us off together. Random trips to the store, out to the marina, locked in the house alone during a hurricane.

“Well, yes.”

I roll over onto my back. I don’t know how I didn’t see any of this before. How could I have been so blinded by everything? Shaking my head, I sit up and set my feet on the plush carpet that would’ve never been in a home like this. The owners really ruined the historic value of the house when they put in wall-to-wall carpet.

“Zane, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s . . .” I sigh and shake my head. “When we met, I wasn’t in a good place, Caryn. I thought you were being a friend. I didn’t realize that your parents wanted us to date until now.”

“What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is your dad knows about Evangeline. He knew from the day I took the job that I had a life with her, that I was supposed to go home to Boston on Thursdays. Yet, from the day I started, there was always something keeping me in New York.”

“Well, it seems my dad knew what was best.”

How can I fault her for thinking this?

“Yeah. Look, I’m going to go for a drive.”

“Isn’t it dangerous? Maybe you should call an Uber?”


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