Total pages in book: 147
Estimated words: 139662 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 698(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 139662 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 698(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
I give him a tight smile and nod before leaving the room. I find Sebastian on the terrace outside the library, staring out into the night.
“Did they explain to you how dangerous this is?” he asks, sensing me without turning around. “Did they tell you how many people try to speak with Mab and never come back? Because those mythical monsters aren’t your only concern. If she decides that someone unworthy has dared to take her time, she makes sure they never find their way back to the portal. Or if they do, they return without their full mind. Did they tell you any of that?”
“Sebastian . . .” I step forward, reaching to touch his back just as he spins around, and I find myself looking at his chest. He’s closer than I thought, and my breath catches. I don’t know if I’ve ever been this close to him feeling the way I do now. I don’t think I’ve ever been so close to Sebastian while wishing he would let me go. “I don’t have a choice,” I say, craning my neck so I can see his face. “I won’t allow one more innocent to die at your mother’s hands. Not if I can prevent it.”
“I don’t want you to go to the Underworld,” he whispers, leaning his forehead against mine. “I can accept your anger and your mistrust of me—I earned it. I can accept any confusion you feel about us right now. I can even forgive you for letting him touch you, but I won’t accept you sacrificing yourself for this. You have no idea how bad that place is.”
“And you do?” I ask.
Something flickers across his face before he sets his jaw in a stubborn line. “If you don’t come back, if Mab doesn’t deem you worthy to return, I cannot accept that.”
I step back. I need space. Even with my shields, when we’re this close, his emotions muddle with mine and make me question everything. “Sebastian, I’m going.”
He squeezes his eyes shut.
I swallow, knowing that was the easy part of this conversation. “Listen, if there’s a way to dissolve this bond between us before I leave, we should do it.”
His eyes fly open. “No.”
“Bash,” I whisper. “You and I aren’t going to be together. No matter what happens on this journey. We aren’t going to get the happily-ever-after. It was never in the cards for us.”
“You haven’t even tried. You’ve been with him the whole time.”
Yes. Right where I belong. “It wouldn’t have mattered,” I say.
He shakes his head. “I won’t do it. Not just because it’s an excruciating process and I can’t cause you that kind of pain again. And not just because we don’t have the materials we need. I won’t do it because I can’t. I love you, and I need to know without a doubt that we tried.”
“All those things you want to protect me from—capture, torture, painful death? I want to protect you too. I don’t want you to suffer through the things I might experience in the next few days.”
“Is that it?” he asks, eyes hard, head cocked to the side. “Or do you want to be free to be with him without my knowing? Do you want to be free to have him kiss you and touch you without having to feel how that tears me apart inside?”
I can’t hear the pain in his voice without vividly remembering being beneath the waterfall with Finn, that feeling of Sebastian through the bond. His heartache. The betrayal he felt.
“Bash,” I whisper. “You need to let me go. Please.”
“Don’t you remember our night at Serenity Palace? You begged me not to let you go, begged me to hold on because you had secrets. You were so sure my love wasn’t strong enough to withstand your deceptions, and I promised you it was. I’m making good on that promise.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, remembering.
I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you, but I’m too selfish to let you go.
Don’t let me go. I need you to hold on.
“That was before. So much has changed.”
A muscle in his jaw ticks. “You have no idea how much I’ve sacrificed for you. How much more I was willing to sacrifice for you.” He steps forward, opens that fist, and presses his palm to my chest so firmly that I’m sure he can feel the steady beat of my heart. “I feel you. Despite your efforts to shut me out, I feel you. And I feel you falling in love with him.”
“Then dissolve the bond.” I can’t stand hurting him, no matter what mistakes he’s made and how he’s hurt me. “Let me go—for both our sakes.”
He shakes his head. “You ask too much.”
“You’ll stay bonded to me, even knowing I want to be free of it? Knowing I’m falling for someone else? Knowing the way I feel about Finn?”