Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 78884 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 394(@200wpm)___ 316(@250wpm)___ 263(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78884 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 394(@200wpm)___ 316(@250wpm)___ 263(@300wpm)
I hope by the time you get this you haven’t moved on—but if you have, know that I haven’t, because I’m not moving on. Ever. I don’t know how to be without you anymore. I don’t know how to wake up without your good mornings or go to sleep without your good nights. I don’t want to know what that’s like. I don’t want to not touch you when I see you during holidays. I don’t want to know what it’s like to share you with someone else. The thought of that makes me sick. I can’t share you, Blake. Please don’t make me. I hope that when you read this, you’ll be sitting next to me, rolling your beautiful big gray eyes at me. I hope that you lean over and call me out on how sappy I am for even writing this shit.
I hope you tell me that you know we can make it through four years of college, even if we are apart, because you know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. I hope you ask me to give up my scholarship to Duke and go to UC with you and Aubry—I’d do it in a heartbeat.
These next four years without you are going to be fucking hell for me. Please don’t make me go through them without you. Please say you’ll take me back. I love you. I love you more than anything else in this world. It’ll always be you.
I love you to the moon and back.
Cole
Through my tears, I can barely make out the last few lines. I wipe my nose with the back of my hand and look at the date on the top-right corner. August 3, 2005. My eyes widen. That was before we went to see him at Duke. That was...oh my God. My stomach turns once more. That was the day I broke up with him before we left for college. Why didn’t he tell me any of this? I close my eyes and let more tears spill out of them. I wish I could go back to that night when Aubry tried to give this to me. I shake my head. No, I don’t. Everything would have been different. Yes, we wasted a lot of time, but it was for the better. We’re together now, and nothing can break our bond. I smile at the thought while I wipe the last tears from my face and pull my hair into a ponytail.
I get up and shake off the grass stuck on my jeans before I start to walk out of the park. As I scroll through my phone to call Cole, I hear a loud sound and screams that startle me. I have the ringing phone up to my ear as I look in the direction of the screams. I feel a strong tug on my arm that causes me to lose my balance. I’m expecting it to be a rude homeless man or a drunk, anything but what I’m faced with. He’s so close, and he’s holding on to my arm. I open my mouth—about to scream, and I hear Cole answer the phone. The man covers my mouth roughly with one glove-covered hand and it feels like sandpaper.
Through my muffled screams, I can taste the mix of gasoline and metal in my mouth. I’m kicking and pulling down on his strong arms, and accidentally let my phone slip out of my hands. My frantic eyes widen as I’m dragged away from my only source of communication. I look around for Bruce. Where’s Bruce? My chest is heaving in panting breaths and I’m sweating profusely, but it has nothing to do with the sunlight that’s hitting my body. He turns my body and grips me tighter in his hold, crushing my ribs.
A carnival of dread washes over me when I see that he’s dragging me to an unmarked van. This is suddenly too familiar. Too real. Too much. He puts a gag in my mouth, and I am finally able to take a good look at him. He’s a big man, I would never stand a chance against him. He has short blond hair and one blue eye and one brown eye--made of glass. I narrow my eyes at him and curse him for being so evil. Through his glass eye, I can see the reflection of my own. My eyes look stormy, surely a reflection of what’s to come.
His eyes are filled with hatred that I don’t understand, and I want to ask him what I did to deserve it. I whimper when he throws me into the van and pulls up the sleeve of my shirt to inject me with something—a tranquilizer, I’m guessing. I try to squirm away from the needle, but he pins my body down with his legs, making it impossible for me to move. He ties me up tightly with rope and closes the doors with a bang. I try to twist my aching body, but cannot move anywhere. My eyes droop heavily, and I feel them beginning to close. The sunlight is fading through the tinted windows; it’s getting dark again. I will my eyes not to close on me. I try to force them open. I think of Cole and try to push through the tranquilizer’s effects. It’s no use though, my breathing is beginning to relax, and my chest is no longer heaving. My eyes begin to shut heavily—once, twice, then a third time. I open them one last time as I try to search for light, but I know I’ll never find it, because there is no light in darkness.