Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 61767 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 309(@200wpm)___ 247(@250wpm)___ 206(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 61767 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 309(@200wpm)___ 247(@250wpm)___ 206(@300wpm)
She turns to face me. “What do you want, Judge? Why did you come? To give me a necklace?” She reaches to unclasp it, but I stop her.
“You keep it on. Always.”
“Why? What the hell does it mean?”
“The house is quiet without you. Lonely without you.”
She snorts. “You can’t have me back halfway. I won’t settle for that.”
“I’m not asking for that.”
“Then what are you asking for?”
My mother’s words repeat in my head. The terror in her eyes when I turned the table over.
“I feel sorry for the woman you’ll marry one day. You are just like him, Judge. Exactly him.”
My phone pings. Mercedes shoves to get free, but I keep my hands on either side of the counter, trapping her.
“You’d better get that,” she says.
“Mercedes, you know why I can’t marry—”
“You know what, Judge? I’m not asking you to fucking marry me. It’s arrogant of you to think I am. But I’m also not okay to be your booty call on a rainy night when you’re drunk.”
“You’re not—”
“That’s what the women at the Cat House are for. For the Sovereign Sons to use as they please. So do me a favor. Stop coming here. Stop watching me. And just stay out of my life so I can get on with it, okay? You think you can set your selfish needs aside for one fucking minute and do that one thing for me? Or is it too much to ask?”
Her eyes are wet by the time she’s done, and my goddamn cell phone starts fucking ringing now. I reach to mute it, and she shoves me away, slipping past to the hallway.
“Come back here, Mercedes.” I go after her.
“Go home, Judge,” she says, opening the door.
I slam it shut and take her arms. “I don’t want any woman at the Cat House. I want you. You.”
“Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I don’t want you?”
14
MERCEDES
“Ouch.” Solana bustles through my door, glancing over her shoulder at the parking lot where I’m certain she ran across Judge. “What happened there?”
“Nothing I want to talk about.” I turn and busy myself with the dishes so she can’t see my face. I’m haunted by what I saw in Judge’s eyes when I delivered that blow.
Maybe I don’t want you…
The truth and the lie are so gnarled between those words that I’m not even sure of it myself. Because I do want Judge. I know I always will. But I’m not going to accept scraps. Not for myself, and certainly not for my children.
“Hey, are you okay?” Solana presses her fingers into my back, not forcing me to look at her, for which I’m grateful.
“I don’t know. I feel so stupid for letting myself get sucked back into his orbit every time he looks at me. How am I supposed to move on when he’s literally sitting outside of my house every night? Hot one minute, cold the next. I can’t deal with it anymore. He doesn’t want me, but he doesn’t want to let me go either.”
Solana’s silence is uncharacteristic, and when I do finally turn to look at her, she’s gnawing on her lip.
“What?” I sigh. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I don’t know,” she says cautiously. “I just hate seeing you like this. You both look so… miserable.”
At this, my spine straightens, and I shake my head in denial. “Well, I’m not. It’s just frustrating. I didn’t negotiate my freedom to spend my days playing a mental tennis match about what Judge is going to do next. I’m trying to establish a life here, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
Solana wisely chooses not to comment further and instead takes over dish duty while I go get ready. Step one in forgetting about my broken heart is staying busy, and we’ve got a full schedule ahead of us today.
After I tear through half my closet, only to settle on a pair of leggings and an oversized T-shirt, we head to the birthing class. Georgie joins us for the occasion, then promptly becomes traumatized ten minutes into it, and opts to wait outside instead. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that the IVI guard he’s had his eye on is there to keep him company.
Once we’re finished with class, we hit the mall and several children’s stores to grab some baby furniture, which Georgie has promised to help me assemble. I purchase a new phone while we’re out too, transferring my old number to it, and effectively cutting Judge off from that line of communication he controlled.
When that’s finished, we meet Ivy for lunch and finalize our plans for the baby shower, which will be next month. She’s thrown herself into the project, and I’m grateful for it, but I can’t help feeling it’s really not necessary for her to go to so much trouble. The only people who’ll be showing up for it are my small group of friends and possibly Santiago if he cares to join. Regardless, it’s something positive to focus on, and I’m happy to see that Ivy gets along well with Solana and Georgie too.