Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 76456 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 382(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76456 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 382(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
For once, my mind wasn’t running with constant lists of tasks that needed to be done, or worries that I had little to no control over.
It was the most peace I had ever known.
He made the world go quiet.
I felt irrational tears stinging my eyes, knowing how fleeting this had to be.
For my safety.
For his.
I couldn’t help but curse a world that would bring me a man who could give me silence and comfort and peace… only to make it abundantly clear that I couldn’t have him.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Cesare said, voice soft, but there was something light about it. Maybe even teasing.
No you don’t. You couldn’t.
“What am I thinking?” I asked, hoping my voice didn’t sound as thick to him as it did to me. Or, at least, if it did, that he thought it was from post-orgasm contentness, not sadness. Not grief over losing something that I really, really wanted to hang onto.
“That you want to change the bed,” he said, and I was so surprised that a bubble of laughter burst out of me as I pushed up to smile down at him.
“What?” I asked, shaking my head.
“Well, you know,” he said, shrugging a bit as he reached up to tuck some of my hair behind my ear. “You like things clean. We just got a little dirty,” he said, eyes twinkling.
Right.
Of course.
And I mean, yes.
I’d never been able to sleep in a bed I’d just had sex in. The very idea made my skin feel like it was crawling.
In the past, guys had rolled their eyes over it, had grumbled about it, had said unkind things about the need to change the sheets.
And yet there was Cesare.
Anticipating it.
Smiling about it.
Bringing it up, so I didn’t need to.
God, this man.
The truth came to me with startling clarity.
This was a man I could truly love.
Except, of course, I couldn’t.
There was a crushing sensation in my chest, my heart turning to dust.
I moved away from him then, snatching the throw off the end of the bed, and wrapping myself up in it.
“Right,” I said, turning away so I could blink back the wetness in my eyes. “Okay. Off,” I said, going into my closet, and finding some fresh linens.
“I’ll be right back,” Cesare said, moving past me, brushing his lips against the back of my head, then going out into the hall.
I heard the door to the bathroom close, and closed my bedroom door, leaning against it, and taking several long, deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.
How was I supposed to get out of this? Send him out? Without bawling all over him?
I was saved from having to answer that question, though, when I heard the front door burst open, slamming against the wall.
For a split second, my heart seized in my chest, sure it was the man from the prep room, here to kill us all, but then Vega’s voice rang out through the apartment.
“I hope everyone is decent!” she yelled out. “Well, I mean, it would be no hardship to get another look at you, Cesare,” she called, making a small smile tug at my lips. “But I don’t want to be walking into anyone getting their cheeks clapped.”
“Hey, Vega,” Cesare’s voice called back as the bathroom door opened.
“I gave you as long as I could. The damn pizza place was closed. Can you believe that? I had to get freezer pizzas. Don’t give me those judgy Italian eyes,” she said.
“Judgy Italian eyes?” Cesare shot back, sounding amused.
And, damnit, I liked him even more because he was so good with Vega.
“Look, not all of us are privileged to have access to amazing New York City pizza, okay? Some of us have to settle for waxy cheese and undercooked crusts,” she said, and I could make out the sound of a pizza box slapping onto the counter in the kitchen.
I knew I shouldn’t eavesdrop.
But this was the last time I was going to get to hear this man in my apartment.
I was going to let myself enjoy it.
“Where’s Mere?”
“In her room,” Cesare answered.
There was a short pause.
“Why?”
“What?”
“Why is she in her room, and you’re out here? I thought you were supposed to be banging the night away.”
Oh, Vega.
She didn’t know what a social filter was.
“Wait… that’s her robe,” Vega said, sounding a little giddy. “Oh, yay. This is great. I like you two together. But now I have to put on my best friend voice…” she warned.
“And threaten to castrate me if I hurt her?” Cesare asked, sounding like he was smiling.
“Pretty much. But it was going to be a lot more graphic than that.”
“Listen, Vega, I like Mere. I don’t plan on hurting her.”
“Here’s the thing, dude,” Vega said, sighing a little. “I know your type. I’ve fucked a few dudes like you. So I can smell you a mile away. You want fun, casual. And that’s fine. Like, maybe even good here. But you need to be clear with Mere that that’s all this is.”