Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 100470 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100470 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
With those words, I storm out of the cabin.
Tears burn at my eyes as I run barefoot toward the orchard where I can have a moment to breathe and calm down. I’m sick to my stomach. Not once have I ever disrespected my mother as I did just now. Dad will be furious.
Logan fucked up my life and I’m not sure I’ll ever get it back to the way it used to be.
* * *
* * *
Our family is broken.
I didn’t know it when I set off on my journey to find my siblings, but I certainly know it now. Mom is paranoid, Dad is physically barely holding on, Destiny is a shell of the person she once was.
And Ronan?
He’s not well. I can’t pinpoint exactly what’s wrong with him, but it’s there. Always brewing and simmering just below the surface. Fear flickers in his eyes when no one’s looking, but anger lives there too. I still can’t believe he blew up on Mom a few days ago. Everything has been so tense since then.
With each passing day, I feel Ronan slipping from my grasp. He’s withdrawing to a place I don’t know how to get to. Every attempt to make him smile feels like a wasted effort. All he does is sleep, sit in the orchard alone, or vacillate between scowling and fearfully jumping at every shadow.
At night, his nightmares take over.
Logan, though most likely dead, continues to torment my poor brother from deep inside his mind. He must’ve tortured him or beat him to the point of insanity because Ronan is just not the same.
So, yeah, our family is broken, and Ronan’s the sharpest, most jagged piece.
Every time I find myself accidentally pressed against him in the middle of the night, I wake to an elbow to my face or punches to any available body part. For someone who, weeks ago, was desperate for my touch, he’s now easily agitated if I do it while he sleeps.
What did Logan do?
Disgusting images tease at my mind, but I refuse to think about them. If something that bad happened, Ronan will tell me when he’s ready. All I can do is protect him the best I can and respect his boundaries.
Raegan doesn’t come over early in the morning anymore in case Mom wakes up and catches her. But she does slip out for an hour or two in the middle of the night. We can whisper, just the two of us, and cuddle.
Cuddling with her feels good. And safe. We haven’t kissed anymore or touched like when we spent the night in the tent after her rescue. I’ve jerked off every day in the shower, though, at the memory. Jerking off is safe. Kissing and touching under the clothes is not.
My mind drifts to the day we made it back home and I can’t help but smile. I’d stolen a moment alone with Raegan to give her something I knew she desperately wanted.
“I got you a present,” I say to Raegan, motioning for my backpack that sits on the floor in my cabin. “Ready?”
She grins, eyes sparkling with delight. “What is it?”
I unzip the bag and before I can pull it out, she reaches her hand inside, too impatient to wait. When she pulls out her ponytail, she scrunches her nose and gapes at me.
“Creeper, why do you have my hair? That’s not a gift! That’s a weird shrine of me you’re carrying around!”
I snatch the bound hair away from her and toss it back in the bag, mock scowling at her. “That’s not your present. It’s mine. Close your eyes.”
She narrows them at me. “I don’t know if I should trust you. What’s next? A bag of my toenails?”
“Close. Your. Eyes.” Finally, she obeys me. I pull out the knife Rowdy retrieved from Jace and set it in her waiting palms. “Now you can open them.”
Her ecstatic shriek pierces my ears. She beams, overly thrilled with getting the knife back, and then practically tackles me with a bear hug.
When she pulls back, still smiling, she asks, “Are we going to talk about the hair?”
“Nope.”
Having Raegan and Ronan in my life is everything to me.
I have to keep our shattered family together. It’s more important than ever with Ronan so messed up. We’ve all gone through enough without throwing these complicated feelings that have to be hidden on top of everything.
Maybe we can all go back to the way we used to be. Raegan annoying me but providing entertainment. Ronan being my confidant and steady presence. Safe.
The door to the cabin silently creaks open. I can tell it’s Raegan by the sound of her footsteps. She moves lightly but with purpose. Seconds after the door closes, she slips into the bed next to me. Her skin is cool from the quick run over here and I splay my hand over her bare thigh to try to warm her up.