Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 100470 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100470 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
Still better than being in the cabin with Mom.
Voices below me can be heard as the guys work tirelessly on the house. I’ve heard Ronan and Ryder laugh hysterically several times. Their beef is gone and I’m alone, drowning in my own despair. While I’m happy that Ronan seems to finally have climbed out of his depression this week, I feel my own self tumbling into that lonely, dark spot.
Spirit, from near the firepit, watches me, guarding me like I might slip and fall any second. She doesn’t move but continues to stare at me. I’m thankful I didn’t let Dad kill her and Mage all those months ago. They may be wolves, but they’re the best dogs in the world. We don’t deserve to have such sweet animals.
A wave of emotion stirs inside me. Hot tears well and then roll down my cool cheeks. I angrily swipe them away. Lately, all I do is cry at everything. It’s dumb and I hate it.
Pregnancy hormones.
I gag just thinking about it. Bitterness remains on my tongue, reminding me that I never made it back to the cabin to brush my teeth. Eventually, I’ll have to go back, but until then, I’ll stay in my favorite place all by myself.
While I sit, shivering, I try to pinpoint when Ronan changed. He was sleeping all day, doing the bare minimum on the house, and then one day earlier this week it’s like he woke up a new man. He joined us each night for supper, worked hard on the big house, and actually smiled. Still, though, he won’t talk to me.
Or, rather, I haven’t allowed myself to get close enough to him to talk.
He hurt me. They both did. Abandoned me for months, forcing me to die a slow death in the torture cabin. Literally. Declan still sleeps on me at night and head butts my boobs often to the point they’re sore and hurt all the time.
I see Mom, with Dawson on her hip, round Ronan’s cabin. She shields her eyes as she scans the property, no doubt looking for me.
Sorry, Mom, they’re all yours today.
Remaining motionless, I pray she won’t look up on the roof or that Spirit won’t give me away. She walks toward the big house and disappears inside. Exhaling in relief, I relax and close my eyes. Wind nips at my exposed flesh. It helps chase away the nauseous feeling.
Now that the sickness has fully passed, I pull an apple out of my pocket and start munching on it. The sweet juices erase the bitterness from earlier. All too quickly, I devour it, wishing I’d thought to grab more.
Maybe I can live up here. All I need is a sleeping bag, some food, and maybe Hot Hands pouches Uncle Atticus brings us sometimes.
You can’t do that with a big, giant belly…
Just thinking about getting huge and pregnant like Mom always gets has me bursting into tears again. How did I let this happen? My parents have babies because they have sex. What did I think would happen when I did the same?
Stupid baby.
As soon as the thought enters my mind, guilt rushes through me. It’s just a baby. Not its fault I had sex with my brother and made it.
I wonder how Ronan will feel once he learns that I’m pregnant.
Something tells me he might be happy. Another part of me worries he will shut me out again. Of course, this makes me cry some more. No wonder Mom is always so emotional when she’s pregnant. It’s literally out of her control. I sort of feel sorry for her now.
Sniffling, I swipe away the ongoing tears and stagger out a breath of frustration. Once Mom figures out I’m pregnant, she’s going to freak out. I could lie to her and tell it was from CJ. We all know Destiny was raped by Jace. It’s not a stretch to claim that as well for myself. But that feels icky. Like I’d be taking something from Ronan and that’s the last thing I want to do.
I need to tell Ronan.
Confessing to him that we made a baby will help me not feel so alone. I have to believe that since he seems happier, he’ll take the news well. I need him to take it well. I’m tired of feeling alone in general but more so now that I have concluded I’m pregnant.
This evening, after dinner, that’s what I’ll do.
I’ll tell him and he’ll make it all better.
With new hope trickling through me, I dry my tears one last time and climb back down.
As soon as Ronan gets up from our dinner at the firepit, I wait a few seconds and then follow after him. He barely makes it into Ryder’s cabin that he’s taken over before I rush in after him.