Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 100470 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100470 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
“Clearly, I don’t understand. You just had your finger inside me.”
Our voices are growing in volume. Ryder’s eyes widen with panic. He covers my mouth with his palm. The leftover scent of my arousal on his finger is strong.
“If Dad were to find out,” he hisses, “he’d kill me. Dad would kill me, Rae. Is that what you want?”
I grab hold of his wrist, pulling his hand away to frown at him.
“He won’t kill you,” I say, though my words feel hollow with uncertainty. “Dad loves you. He loves all of us.”
“No.” His features harden. “I can’t. We can’t.”
I bite down on my bottom lip to keep it from wobbling. “I hate you.”
My words strike him and his features crumple. I immediately feel like a monster for saying them. But, with tears in my eyes and emotion clogging my throat, I don’t have the ability to retract them.
He leans forward, rubbing his nose against mine. “Please don’t hate me, Rae. I fucking need you.”
Sorrow cuts through my soul, dissecting me with brutal precision. How can he love and need me so much but can’t give me this?
Dad wouldn’t kill him.
Would he?
Ryder’s eyes dart back and forth, pleading with me to understand. He’s breaking apart and I’m the one holding the hammer. Guilt threatens to swallow me whole.
“I don’t hate you,” I croak out, leaning closer to kiss his mouth. “I just don’t understand why we can’t have sex. It can be our secret. I won’t tell anyone. I swear.”
His large hand cradles my cheek and he rubs his thumb along my cheekbone like I’m precious. Fat tears well and then spill at his tenderness.
“I love you so fucking much it hurts. I would give anything to be with you like that…”
“But?”
“But I can’t give my life. Not if I intend to stick around to protect you. If Dad sends me away or kills me, I can’t keep you safe.”
Feeling defeated, I give in to my tears and snuggle against him. He holds me as though his arms alone will fix everything. If only they could.
How does Dad expect us to be happy if we’re not allowed to love how we want to?
Ryder deserves to have sex with whomever he wants. He’s a good, brave man. And if I could have sex with Ronan, why can’t I have sex with Ryder?
My stomach flips so hard I feel like I might be sick.
What happens if Dad finds out about me and Ronan?
Will he send him away or kill him?
The bone-deep ache that penetrates the edges of my soul physically hurts. Life is supposed to be filled with love and freaking living. Not allowing us to be together is wrong, right?
I could plead my case to Dad.
Dread consumes me. I know my father. I know both of my parents. They barely let us swim together alone. If they knew about what me and Ryder just did or how I gave my virginity to Ronan, they’d lose it.
They’d lose their minds and our family would be irrevocably shattered.
Even I’m not that selfish.
“Everything’s going to be okay,” Ryder assures me, voice cracking with emotion. “I’ll find Ronan and Dez. We’ll all go home and back to being best friends like before. Life can be normal. No one leaves and no one dies. Please tell me that’s enough, Rae.”
It’s not.
“It’s enough.” My lie is bitter on my tongue. “Find them. Bring them home. It’ll be enough. I promise.”
I may not be selfish, but I’m a liar.
A miserable one at that.
* * *
* * *
I can’t move.
Every muscle in my body screams in pain. The throbbing in my skull is the worst. I was up all night, wondering if I was going to die. Nausea consumes me and my limbs tremble with weakness.
We almost made it.
I just knew we’d escape and meet up with Raegan. It felt so possible. So close.
Rolling to my side, I wince at the new pains that assault me along my ribs. Logan didn’t hold back when he kicked me. They’re tender and burning, but since I can still draw breaths easily, I’m pretty certain they’re not broken.
Cracking open my eyes, I search the tent for the monster. He’s not here, thank God, but Kristen is. She lies completely still, curled into a fetal position. My heart rate speeds up in fear.
Is she still alive?
Last night, after we returned to the tent, it’d been a blur of abuse. I was forced to watch him beat the shit out of Kristen while I barely managed to stay conscious. Then I was brutally woken in the middle of the night with Logan’s hand holding my head against the sleeping bag while he took what he wanted from me. Again.
My ass cheeks feel sticky and not just from his cum. I’d felt the tearing. Seen the blood on his dripping dick right after. He wrecked me and left me like discarded trash. Ignored my screams and begs for mercy.