Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 74698 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 373(@200wpm)___ 299(@250wpm)___ 249(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74698 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 373(@200wpm)___ 299(@250wpm)___ 249(@300wpm)
“I chose my family.”
“Maybe eleven years ago, you did, which was also stupid. But now you’re choosing guilt,” he replies.
“What could you possibly know about it?” I sneer, oddly hating that he’s exposing my weaknesses, and yet weirdly interested to discover his game. I’ve gotten no clarity on anything, and yet Gabe sounds so damn sure of himself.
His eyes narrow. “I know a thing or two about choosing family. I turned my own father in to the police for trying to kill Sylvie. I turned my back on my family because of that and kept it turned so that I could have your sister. But don’t think that means I don’t have guilt. I deal with it every day, so yeah, I’m pretty qualified to talk about it.”
I glare at him and don’t know what to say. I can’t deny the truth in his words. His past actions are comparable, if not heavier, than mine.
“It’s natural to feel guilty, Trey,” Gabe continues. “But it’s still okay to choose what’s best for you. Eleven years ago, you made a poor choice letting Wade have a shot at Holland.”
“I chose Wade over Holland. That was choosing family. That’s what family does,” I argue, the words sounding hollow as I say them.
“Sometimes,” Gabe concedes, his voice softening slightly. “But that’s not what happened eleven years ago or now. You didn’t choose Wade over Holland. You chose Wade over yourself. And that’s not always right. In this instance, I think it’s wrong. You should have chosen yourself over Wade. Even after he died, you still chose your brother over yourself. And I’m here to tell you, he wouldn’t have wanted that.”
I feel a flicker of hope at his words, but I quickly squash it. “The argument we had drove Wade out of the house. He got in the accident. It’s my fault.”
Gabe shakes his head, his frustration evident. “You can’t know that for sure. And if you don’t know that, you can’t assume it. No one can absolve you of your guilt, but I can tell you, not one person in your family blames you. They blame the drunk driver, and he’s the only person at fault. You’re smart enough to know that. I don’t know why you’re clinging to that but if you let it go, the path is open for you to correct your mistake with Holland.”
I look away, his words settling over me. Gabe’s right, but it’s hard to let go of the guilt. The air in the kitchen feels thick and heavy and the wall clock seems louder, each tick echoing in the silence that stretches between us.
Gabe sets his beer down on the counter, stepping closer. “Trey, you’ve been punishing yourself for too long. You’re not the only one hurting here. Your family needs you. They’ve already lost Wade—they don’t need to lose you too.”
I glance at him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. He’s not saying this to get a rise out of me. He genuinely cares, not just for Kat but for all of us. It’s a sobering thought.
“Think about it, Trey,” Gabe says. “Whatever you decide to do about Holland, it’s time you joined your family again. You’re only hurting your parents, Ethan, Kat and Abby by keeping yourself removed. Don’t make them lose another son and brother.”
For the first time since Wade died, I don’t immediately deny the possibility that perhaps I’m looking at things wrong. That maybe I’m being too hard on myself.
But all I do is nod. A silent agreement I’ll think about it.
Gabe turns for the door, but when he reaches it, he looks back. “Oh, by the way, thought you might want to know that Kat talked to Holland yesterday and she has an offer on the printshop.”
I blink in surprise. I didn’t know what she was going to do because my family isn’t freely sharing news about Holland, and I’ve not asked. It’s a shock to know she’s selling it. It’s the last tether she has to Shelbyville.
Gabe walks out and I lock the door for the night. I lean against it, my mind rolling his words over and over again. I can’t stand the man—or rather, I used to not like him. Admittedly, he’s grown on me a bit given his heroic actions with Sylvie and Kat, but for the first time in days, I feel a glimmer of hope.
Maybe he’s right. Maybe I’ve been punishing myself unnecessarily. But even if he’s right, it doesn’t erase the argument I had with Wade or the fact that I pushed him away.
I move to the kitchen table, the beer growing warm in my hand. The house is still quiet, but now it feels different. Less suffocating. I think about what Gabe said, about joining my family again. I’ve been so focused on my own pain that I haven’t considered how my actions are affecting them. As loath as I am to admit it, Gabe’s right. They’ve already lost Wade; they don’t need to lose me too.