Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 74698 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 373(@200wpm)___ 299(@250wpm)___ 249(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74698 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 373(@200wpm)___ 299(@250wpm)___ 249(@300wpm)
My hands drop away. “What?” I whisper.
He shakes his head as if he’s not quite sure he understands the why of it, but only the how. “Twice now, we tried. Twice Wade got in the way, and this last time, it cost him his life.”
“No, it did not,” I snarl, taking a step back. I’m livid that he’d lay any of this on my doorstep. “Us being in love and acting on that had nothing to do with Wade’s death.”
“Fine. It was all me then,” he says flatly. “I was stupid to even think a second chance was a good idea when our first chance proved to be a disaster.”
“Don’t say that,” I snap.
“I just said it. And I mean it.”
“You just need some time to process—”
“No, I don’t,” he says quietly, hastily looking past me to the house, then back to lock eyes with mine. “I know this might be hard for you to understand, but I firmly believe that Wade would be alive today if I had just kept my fucking distance from you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. Because if I had kept my distance from you, he would have never caught us together, never gotten mad, never fought with me and never stormed out that door, putting him into the path of a drunk driver.”
“That could have easily happened had you not had a fight with him, Trey,” I exclaim in frustration, throwing my hands wide. “We never know when our time is up, but I know for sure that you didn’t play any hand in the shitty cards fate dealt tonight. Now I’m going to do you a solid and leave you alone. I’m going to get in my car and leave right now, and I’m hoping after a good night’s sleep, you’ll understand that you are not to blame. That you are alive and I am here waiting for you.”
His gaze falls away.
“Trey,” I say quietly, but he won’t look at me. “I love you. I’ll always love you. And I’ll take a step back until you’re brave enough to understand it’s okay to love me in return.”
I don’t wait for a reply. I turn for my car and give Trey the space he obviously needs.
CHAPTER 19
Holland
It’s bright outside—blue skies, fluffy white clouds and sparkling sunshine, and I’m not sure I’ve ever felt more depressed in my life. I thought I’d suffered a broken heart eleven years ago when Trey broke up with me so we wouldn’t upset his brother, but I realize now that was nothing compared to the pain I feel now.
My heart has been shredded by a thousand slices with a dull blade born of sorrow for losing Wade, helplessness over not being able to do anything of use for Trey, tears for the entire Blackburn family, and my irrepressible fear that I’m going to lose Trey again.
I called him first thing this morning while lying in bed. I didn’t get any sleep last night and figured waiting until eight a.m. was plenty of time to give him. It wasn’t a total shock I got his voicemail. I didn’t bother to leave one, though, instead shooting him a text so that he had words that maybe he could read over and over again. I love you. I want to help you. I’m here for whatever you need but please don’t ask me to leave you alone forever.
In the kitchen, I found my mother drinking coffee and scrolling through her iPad. Her current favorite pastime was looking at Pinterest for ways to redecorate the kitchen. The tension that existed between us the last few days was still there and amplified on my part because of Wade’s death. Mom didn’t know about any of it and when she started in about the printshop, I didn’t pull any punches.
“I can’t talk about this right now, Mom. Wade Blackburn died last night.”
She paled, her mouth gaping and even as she stammered her apologies and condolences, I was already tuning her out. I grabbed coffee, took a shower and left.
It’s not to Trey’s house I’m driving but to another person who I know might need me just as much. I pull into the Blackburns’ driveway, my gut churning with what I might find inside. What’s happened to my beloved adopted family as the realization that Wade’s smiling face won’t be at the kitchen table anymore? Has there been some form of acceptance or have they sunk deeper into despair?
Whatever the case may be, I am here to help in any way I can.
The Blackburn house stands tall and proud, a reminder of the strength of this family. I know they’ll ultimately survive this but for now, they just have to survive today.
Tommy answers after my second knock, his face lined with exhaustion and grief. He looks like he’s aged twenty years since last night but manages a small smile when he sees me. “Good morning. How’d you sleep?”