Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 74698 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 373(@200wpm)___ 299(@250wpm)___ 249(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74698 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 373(@200wpm)___ 299(@250wpm)___ 249(@300wpm)
“But you can hurt me,” I whispered, the realization of what this really meant hitting me. “You’re choosing to prevent Wade’s bruised feelings over breaking my heart.”
“Don’t say it that way,” he growled.
“It’s true and you know it,” I yelled, pointing an accusing finger at him. “You just don’t have the fucking guts to say it.”
“He’s my goddamn brother, Holland. You want me to say it? Then fine, I’m going to choose him right now. You didn’t hear him last night, how torn up he is about this. I can’t hurt him and I won’t. I thought you’d understand.”
“Understand?” I mocked with a bitter laugh. “Oh, I understand. It’s absolutely clear to me that you don’t have any integrity and that you’re selfish. On top of that you’re an utter liar.”
“I’m not a liar—”
“You are,” I snapped. “You told me you loved me. That you were my best friend. That we’d always be together and at the first sign of trouble, you bail. You’re a fraud, Trey Blackburn, and the thing that’s clearest to me right now is that I’m better off without you.”
Trey winced but I barreled past him, intent to head into the house and flop myself down on the bed so I could sob my eyes out in peace. I even braced that he might try to stop me to apologize, beg forgiveness, but he let me pass without a word. I didn’t look back as I raced up the steps and slammed the door behind me, unafraid it would wake my dad up. He was practically comatose on the couch.
The tears were soaking my pillow as I heard Trey’s truck pull out of the driveway. I stayed in my room the rest of the day and that evening, refusing to come out when my mom knocked. I told her I wasn’t feeling well, and I had no clue how Trey explained my absence from the Blackburn dinner table that evening. I’d received texts from Kat and Abby asking if I was okay, and I told them I was sick. Wade also texted and was disappointed he couldn’t see me before I left the next day, but the last thing I wanted to handle was his feelings. I was mired too deeply in my own.
I never heard from Trey.
The next morning, my mom and I hit the road super early for the drive to Lexington. I moved into my new dorm and settled into what I figured would be a temporary life. While I’d spent a lot of time that previous night crying and bemoaning my circumstances, I also started making plans. I’d start the semester at UK, but I was going to transfer to one of my backup colleges as soon as possible, hopefully immediately if my spot and scholarship was still available. Those schools were all out of state and I wanted to get as far away from my family, Shelbyville and Trey Blackburn as possible. I was leaving and I was never returning. I was going to forget about Trey, and I would never look back.
“Want to tell me what’s got you in a mood?” Trey asks.
I jolt in my seat, turning to face him. “I’m in a mood because you’re forcing me to go down memory lane.”
Trey laughs. “No, you were in a mood before I arrived. No doubt, I exacerbated it. Assuming it’s your mom.”
It’s funny how quickly I can open up to Trey. Despite my anger at him, and my unwillingness to let the past go, the one thing he has that no one else does is the perspective about my parents. Trey is the only one who ever knew what I faced at home, and he’d be the only one who understands what I’m facing right now.
But if I open up to him, purge my frustrations and even seek his advice, I’m not being true to my commitment to hold myself in reserve.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I say.
“Fine,” he says, holding up his hands briefly in surrender before putting them back on the steering wheel. “I’ll sit quietly and drive. If you want to talk, pipe up. If you don’t, that’s fine too. When we get to Louisville, we’ll check into The Brown first. If you just want to um… go fishing… and that’s it, we’ll go fishing. If you want to go eat dinner, we’ll go eat dinner. If you want to talk, we’ll talk. If you don’t, you can glare at me all night.”
I can’t help myself. I snort in amusement but turn my head away from him so that he doesn’t see my smile. I take advantage of his offer not to talk right now because I’m so conflicted, no telling what will come out.
So I keep my silence the entire way to Louisville.
CHAPTER 11