Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
And even though I won’t allow myself the pleasure of seeing Felix jack himself, I know he’s watching me, because he tells me he is.
And he’s so fucking happy about it.
With his back against the brick, he keeps his head turned and his eyes lowered and tells me he can’t wait to watch me blow.
I close my eyes and imagine so many things.
Him working me instead of myself and his tongue on my balls and the tight stretch of his hole. We do it all inside my head. Because we’ll never actually do more than this. And I swear, this is the only time I’ll allow myself to picture it.
Really.
I won’t think about this ever again.
“I want to fuck you so bad right now,” Felix says, his voice more breath than sound. “I wish we could.”
“Me too.”
“Say it. Can you say it?”
“You have no idea how much I want to fuck you, Felix. It’s all I think about.”
“Jake.”
“I’ve never fucked a guy before.”
“Oh my god, really? Oh, god, my dick. Oh, fuck. Fuckkk. I’m coming, Jake. Oh, fuck. I’m coming.”
That pushes him over the edge—being my first.
How hot is that?
My hips jerk, every muscle tightening as Felix continues to moan and curse, and I can’t hold off any longer.
I chase after him, only seconds behind. The brick is coated with my cum. I stagger a little on my feet.
“You’ve never fucked a guy before?”
“No,” I pant, catching my breath. I step back from the wall and tug up my still damp jeans, tucking myself away.
“Why not?”
I smirk at him. “You sound disappointed.”
“Oh, I’m not. It’s actually hot to think I’d be the first guy you’re with.”
“Felix,” I warn.
“I know, I know. But like, why haven’t you?”
“It just didn’t happen. I was always in a relationship with a girl, and if I wasn’t, I didn’t get an opportunity.”
“Oh. I thought you were going to say because you were in the military.”
“No. Fuck that. One of the guys I fooled around with was enlisted too. I would’ve done more if he wanted it.” I shrug. “He didn’t. So, we stopped.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why would you be sorry?” I almost laugh.
“I don’t know. Just sounded like the right thing to say. I’m obviously not really sorry.” He chuckles then, this warm, raspy sound, and then he looks down at the asphalt as he squeezes the back of his neck. “So. This was great. I’m really glad it happened.”
“Felix.”
He looks up at me, and as much as I don’t want to remind him or myself, I say my next words knowing I have to.
“We can’t do this again.”
“I know.”
“I wish we could.”
He simply nods with his eyes downcast, and I don’t think he’s going to respond.
But then he kills me.
“We’d be so good together. I just know we would.”
I close my eyes as this ache in my chest burns and burns, and if life doesn’t stop fucking me soon, I’m going to lose my mind.
“Everything is stacked against us,” I say. “We’d be a tragedy, Felix. This wouldn’t work.”
His smile is confusing.
“You don’t agree?” I ask, and how fucked up is it that I actually hope he doesn’t.
“No. I agree.” He steps closer and presses one (last) kiss to my mouth. “I just know that wouldn’t stop me.”
HOLD THE FUCK UP (HELLO. I’M THE FUCK UP)
FELIX
JAKE WANTS ME. He wants me just as much as I want him.
We can’t be anything, but I think he wishes we could.
I know I do.
And even though nothing else should happen, it doesn’t change how I feel.
I’m happy.
I am so fucking happy.
But also, what the fuck? Why can’t life just be good? After years and years of shit, can’t I have this one thing?
I really don’t think I’m asking for too much.
Life is about balance, right? I know there’s a balance, and when you think things are going great, that’s usually when something bad happens. Just like when you’re about to give up, a little sliver of light brightens up the dark. And sometimes you’ll have a lot of good and a little bit of bad, but then you’ll have a lot of bad and a little bit of good. It evens out. It should be fair.
It isn’t. At least not for me.
Okay, yes, I’m a chronic exaggerator, and when I say life isn’t fair, I’m only focusing on all the bad stuff. But trust me, there’s a lot of bad.
A lot of it.
So much so, that when you get done hearing about it, you’ll think wow, that’s too much bad for one person, Felix. You don’t exaggerate at all. And you’re right. Why can’t you have this one thing?
Buckle up. And don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Reasons Why My Life Is (Mostly) Unfair/All The Bad Summed Up:
I lost my mom when I was seven years old, leaving me with someone who never should’ve been a parent.