Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
It’s why I knew I shouldn’t be looking to get involved with anyone again until I had time behind me.
It’s why I’ve held off openly acknowledging my attraction to Felix, not even allowing myself to flirt back when I think he’s flirted with me.
It’s why I’ve been hesitant with responses and reactions and talked myself out of how I’m beginning to feel.
It’s why I haven’t fucked him already, because God knows I’ve wanted to.
And I’m biting down so hard right now, my jaw aches.
I hate this article. I hate reading this warning. I hate everything about being sober and addiction and weakness.
But I don’t hate drugs.
Right now, I fucking want them.
“Hey. Are you okay?” Felix whispers.
He’s leaning closer to me, if that’s even possible, because we’re pressing so firmly together, both of us, and I need him to back off.
I should tell him that.
I don’t.
“Just glad I’m here right now,” I say instead, and he gets it. Felix knows what I mean, because he’s an addict too.
I wonder if addicts can ever be in a relationship together.
And I immediately push that thought out of my head.
PREVIOUSLY ON, I PROBABLY SHOULDN’T DO THIS BUT I’M GOING TO ANYWAY…
JAKE
MANUAL LABOR IS a great distraction when you want to pound into someone you really shouldn’t want.
But work only eats up eight hours of my day. And when I get off (ha), I’m usually meeting up with Felix later at a meeting or talking to Felix on the phone when he calls to check in or staring at his selfies for way longer than I should.
We’re hanging out all the time and he’s definitely flirting with me in person and over texts, but I’ve acted like I don’t know that’s what is happening.
I’m playing the fool well. Trust me.
But we’re together, constantly together, because he’s my sponsor. Because he’s my friend. And because we both like being around each other.
And all of this is fine, it is, as long as nothing else happens.
I can deal with urges. I’ve dealt with being an addict for years, and this want I’ve been feeling isn’t much different than the compulsion to use.
I know I can’t give in to it, not even a little, which would include picturing those curls and that timid smile and the way he looks at me like he needs more to happen between us while I jack off in the shower.
But hey, I’ve done it!
I’ve managed to keep Felix out of my head when I’ve needed to, during the most tempting moments, so I’m not worried. At all. I’ve got this.
Felix who? What curls? Heart emojis don’t mean anything. I get those from people all the time.
Yes, he sends me heart emojis. Old school ones. You know: <3
And no, I’m not sending them back. Or acknowledging I’ve received any.
So, you see? I’m fine. Nothing else is happening. No one needs to worry. I’ve got this.
Keep reading to find out how much of a liar I am.
Do you have any idea how difficult it is to keep your text conversations to yourself when you’re stuffed into the back of a work truck with two other guys, both of which are pushing two hundred and fifty pounds each? And you’re the one in the middle?
It’s difficult.
Not that I have anything to hide, and fuck anyone who so much as thinks about saying something to me.
I’m just not into sharing my business.
And remember what I said about Felix flirting over texts?
can I drive us tonight?
please?
my car stopped smelling like u and it sucks so much :(
No one gets to read this but me.
And he’s bold, right?
For someone who blushes more than anyone I’ve ever seen, Felix text-flirts like a champ.
I guess it’s easier if I’m not staring into his eyes so intently, the world around us could burn and I wouldn’t even notice.
Not that I do that.
“Who are you texting, Tully? Your girrrrlfrieeend?”
Did I mention I’m also surrounded by a bunch of gossiping women who talk about pussy so much, you’d think they all just started sprouting pubes?
“No one,” I grumble at Miguel, the fucker to my left. “And quit leaning up against me, you piece of shit.”
“I’m not leaning,” he says, as the bastard leans even more, putting his face closer to my screen. “This is leaning. Oo, someone wants a piece of Jakey. What are you gonna say back?”
“Jesus Christ.” I shove him against the car door as much as I can. “This is the last time I’m sitting back here between you two assholes.”
“I take offense to that,” Hector says. He’s on my right.
“Good,” I snap back.
To be honest, I don’t mind Miguel or Hector. I just really want a different seat right now.
“But seriously, are you gonna let her pick you up or what?” Hector tries grabbing the phone out of my hand. “Don’t leave her waiting! Hell. Let me handle this. I know how to talk to the ladies.”