Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
I set it on my head and ask, “Can you fix it?” while I reach into the bag for whatever’s left, and Felix pulls the beanie low, so it covers my ears as I take out a small to-go container from his favorite diner.
From our favorite diner.
“You’ll need to eat this before you go in. They might confiscate it.” He huffs when I flip back the lid and says, “I can’t believe you guessed.”
I smirk. “Rainbow sprinkles only, right?”
“Obviously. Have some fucking taste.”
I drop the container back into the bag and set it aside, then I break the donut in half so we can split it, and Felix inhales his like usual while mine is gone in two bites.
When we’re finished, Felix looks at me, and I look at him, and we both try to smile at each other, but we’re crying now.
And there’s frosting on his lip, because of course there is.
I grab the front of his hoodie and pull him against me, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and dropping my head beside his. I inhale the ends of his hair.
He smells like home.
“I’m proud of you for doing this,” he says while we embrace, tightening his hold around my back. “You’re my favorite person in the world. Nothing’s going to change that, okay?”
“O-Okay,” I choke out.
“Where are you going to be in four years, Jake?”
“Sober. With you.”
He nods before leaning away just enough to kiss me.
Our busted lips press together, and nothing has ever felt so right.
“I love you,” I say, holding his face now, our foreheads touching.
“I love you too.”
I wipe his tears away with my thumbs.
“I’ll call every chance I get,” I say.
“And I’ll visit you all the time,” he promises.
“Keep going to meetings. And talk to Dean and my brother if you’re feeling like… just please stay alive. Okay?” My voice breaks. “You have to, Felix. Please.”
“I will.” He sniffles and catches a few of my tears. “Four years, Jake.”
“Four years.”
“I’ll see you later, right?”
I kiss him once more, savoring him and this. Then I pull back and tell him, “I’ll see you later.”
We step apart, and when I look over my shoulder, my brother is waiting for me.
I move around the bags and step into his awaiting arms.
“Hey, little brother,” he says, squeezing my back. “We’ve been here before, haven’t we?”
I nod and hold on to him tighter.
“It’s easier this time, and maybe it shouldn’t be. But I can leave you here because I know you can do this, Jake. I don’t have one fucking doubt. Okay?”
“I’m scared,” I mumble.
“I know.”
“I need you to look out for Felix for me, okay? He doesn’t—”
“I got him, Jake.”
And CJ’s voice doesn’t tremble like my own.
I close my eyes and hold on to my brother a little longer, and then I say, “Okay. I’m ready.”
We pull apart, and I grab my bag while CJ walks over to stand beside Felix, and when I look back at them, my brother has his arm thrown over Felix’s shoulders.
They’re standing casually and comfortably together like they’ve known each other for years.
And that allows me to walk away from them, knowing they’ll have each other while I’m gone.
CJ hollers out, “We love you, shithead!” when I’m halfway up the steps, and I chuckle and flip him off over my shoulder.
My brother’s laughter fills the air.
I reach the entrance, the double doors I’ve walked through and out of before.
This is it.
And Felix yells, “You can do this, Jake!”
He sounds so sure because he is.
I’ve done it before, and I’m going to do it again.
I can do this.
I pull the door open and walk inside.
I BASICALLY ATE A DONUT WITH THIS BOY AND FELL IN LOVE, A MEMOIR
JAKE
TWO YEARS AND NINETY-SEVEN DAYS LATER
Dear Jake,
Hello <3
Don’t hate me, okay?
I don’t want to write this. And I almost didn’t, but maybe it’ll be nice for you to read someday?
Maybe not. I don’t know. I can’t really believe this is a good idea, because if you’re reading this, then that’s not good for me, is it.
I’d be so fucking pissed if you did this to me, so if you’re mad, I get it.
I know I said four years and I really tried. I did. You know I did.
You know how hard this is.
I don’t know what happened. I just know it wasn’t your fault, okay?
I want to tell you about our life together, even though it won’t happen now. But I’ve thought about it too much not to share it with you. So keep reading, okay?
We’re sober. (We did it!)
And we stay sober.
We work at it every day. Together.
I asked you to marry me and you said no because you wanted to ask me (or some cute shit like that) and we’re married now.
We’re happy and we fuck CONSTANTLY.
You enjoy taking it up the ass almost as much as I do :)