Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Where Will I Be In Four Years
And I remember being so numbed out and drowsy from the Xanax I swallowed before class. I could barely lift my head off the desk. I blinked at the blurry, bullshit assignment.
I thought it was the biggest waste of time.
School. Life. This.
But my classmates stirred around me, whispering their post-graduation goals. They were excited to dream and live.
I wanted to sleep and never wake up.
So, I wrote out my one-sentence response, and then I passed out with my cheek smashed against the desk and drool pooling in my mouth.
I’ll probably be dead
That answer got me sent straight to the office and earned me a phone call home, and I remember laughing when the principal left a message for my dad. He had been gone for weeks.
And I wouldn’t get in trouble because no one cared what happened to me.
Then I started to cry because no one cared what happened to me.
And then I was sent to the guidance counselor because something was obviously wrong with me. I mean, shit.
Fourteen-year-old Felix never thought he’d ever have anything or anyone and couldn’t even imagine being alive at twenty-three. He could list reason after reason for why his life sucked, and I couldn’t do that now.
Where Will I Be In Four Years
Alive. I want to be alive and with Jake.
I want this forever.
I lift my head when the door to the shop opens, and I’d smile seeing Jake walk in even if he didn’t appear to be in the world’s greatest mood, but he does.
He’s bright-eyed and beaming, straight teeth showing as he grins, and he says, “Hello,” in this sweet, happy way as he approaches the counter I’m seated behind, and how can such a simple greeting make my heart beat so heavy in my chest.
What is this magic?
“Hello,” I say back.
And I hope his feelings are as big as mine. I hope that more than anything.
I slip my phone away as Jake presses his palms flat on the counter and boosts himself up to lean over it so he can hang over the side and kiss the top of my head.
“Nice beanie,” he murmurs before dropping back to his feet.
What I wouldn’t give for a packed shop right now. Or at least one other person besides us. I honestly wish the world could’ve seen what just happened to me.
PDA? I’m a huge fan.
“Thank you,” I say, swiveling in my stool. I’m suddenly filled with the best energy.
“You’re not going to believe what just happened to me,” Jake says.
“Wait. First. Where do you think you’ll be in four years?”
“Four years specifically?”
“Yep.”
“I don’t know. Sober. With you. Doing whatever we feel like doing. That’s a fucking weird question. Where did that come from?”
I stop swiveling and stare at Jake as my heartbeat fills my body, and I start to overheat. So quickly, my head and face and neck are boiling because in four years, my boyfriend will still be my boyfriend. He just said those exact words.
He wishes for the exact same things!
“Holy shit. Look how red you are. Are you sweating?” Jake leans in a little to examine me. “What the hell, Felix. Take off my hoodie.”
“Never,” I growl, gripping the strings and tightening the material around my neck. “I’ll die in this, thank you. I’ve never stolen a boyfriend’s hoodie before, and it might be the best thing I’ve ever done. Next to my sobriety. It’s a close second, Jake.”
“You can keep it. I don’t care. You just look like you might pass out.” His eyes move all over my face, and he’s laughing at me now. “You’ve never been this red before. Jesus Christ.”
“Well. I wasn’t expecting you to say that! My boyfriend’s a damn poet. Shit!” I loosen the neck of the hoodie before I do, in fact, pass out, and rip off my beanie instead. “Hair check? Be honest.”
I’m certain it’s the worst it’s ever been. I haven’t fixed it in hours.
Jake’s eyes soften. “It’s perfect. Don’t touch it.”
“But I must.”
“Don’t.”
I sit on my hands (or else), slink lower on the stool and sigh.
I’ve never thought of anyone being dreamy before, but I think Jake is dreamy.
Just look at the stuff he says to me.
“I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel. What can I do?”
He leans on the counter, elbows bracing his weight, and says, “Stay alive.”
I cock my head. “Gee. That’s all? I’m being serious, Jake. Tell me what I can do. There’s gotta be something that’ll sweep you off your fucking feet.”
“You already do it, dumbass.”
“But I’m not even trying! I’m just… being me.”
His laugh is quiet and warm.
And I blurt out the only thing I can think to say.
“I’m so in love with you. Holy fuck.”
Jake blinks and then blinks again.
And that’s it. There’s nothing else happening to his face!