Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 97951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
“Nelson, I told you I’ve been making some changes in my life. I’m a work in progress. Yeah, I stopped dancin’. I’m back in school, and yeah, but I’m determined to finish this time.”
“You okay on money? I can help you if you need it.” She smiled at that.
“I know you would, but I’ve got enough savings to sustain me. I do work a part-time home job doing customer service a few hours a week, too. Just for little extras I might want so that I don’t dip into my savings for frivolous stuff, things like that.”
“Mmm hmm, okay. You know I got you if you come up short. I’m proud of you.” He sounded like Grandma when he said that. “You know I support just about anything you do. You know that, right?”
“I know, Nelson, and I appreciate that. I appreciate you. We don’t talk all the time but when we do, the love is definitely there. With all of this, you know, the changes I’m makin’, I have accepted that I need to get therapy to get over my hatred of my father, and to come to terms with Mama’s attitude sometimes. Hell, I struggle to describe it, but you know what I mean. Sometimes she’s—”
“Cold-hearted, mean as a starvin’ rattlesnake. Everything is black and white … ain’t no such thang as a gray area, suck-it-up-buttercup recommendations, I’ll cook for you so you can forget about me cussin’ you out for havin’ feelings, and your mouth will be too full from eatin’ to keep yappin’ about yo’ problems, don’t nobody betta bring me no bad news havin’ Miss JoAnn. That’s how you describe her damn attitude.” He huffed. “Mama loved us from a distance, even though she was standin’ right there. Guess we shoulda moved next door and gave her some space. She’s an electrician. We know she woulda kept the lights on, and the stove hot at least.”
They laughed together, even though none of this was particularly funny.
“She tried, Nelson. Mama is complicated. I’ve come to realize that when a bowl is broken, it can’t hold a lotta stuff. It can try, but whatever you put in it will just run out. Like water in a shattered glass. It ain’t the bowl’s or glass’s fault that it’s cracked and can’t hold nothin’, and it ain’t the water’s fault that it fell through the cracks.”
He drew quiet. She could hear him turn the television off as silence took over.
“Yeah. Yeah,” was all he offered.
He could use some therapy, too, but he has to want it.
“She loves us, Nelson. It’s—”
“I know that. You ain’t gotta to tell me that.”
“I am aware you know that. You cut me off before I could finish my sentence. She loves us—it’s just that Mama has a problem expressin’ her feelings. I kinda realized that recently. I mean, I always knew, but I finally put it into context.”
“Well, goody goody gum drop for yoooouuuu.”
“Nelson don’t be ugly.” She smirked, fighting between wanting to laugh, and wanting to curse him out. “I’ve been mad at her for a long time. She is who she is, and all we can do is tell her how we feel about it and let it go.”
‘Mama has a problem expressin’ her feelings, huh? JoAnn don’t have no problem expressing anger though, now does she? She do that shit mighty well.” His words cut like hot iron to metal. Before she could respond, her phone rang.
“Nelson, somebody callin’ me.” She glanced at the caller-ID and realized it was Sunshine, her stripper associate from the Sweet Soiree Gentleman’s Club. What she doin’ calling me this early in the day? Matter of fact, Sunshine rarely calls me, period. “Let me click over right quick. It’s one of my old friends from the club. Hold on, okay?”
“Alright.”
She glanced at the ID once more, then clicked over. “Hey, Sunshine. What’s up, baby? Everything okay?”
“Giiiirrrrl! Did you hear what the fuck happened?!”
“Huh? About what? With who?”
“Somebody crushed Dice’s car with one of those big construction cars! What do they call ’em? A backhoe? No! A bulldozer! Yeah! A mothafuckin’ bulldozer, girl! Rolled it flat as a pancake. It looks like a metal rug!”
The blood drained from Nadia’s body. Her skull began to pound. She pressed her body against the edge of her seat, bracing herself for the second shoe to drop.
“…How… how do you know that this is true? Did he just say so?”
“No! Dice ain’t been in here since he got banned for followin’ you home. Shake ’nd dem made sure of that. I’m at the crib right now and saw it. It’s been all over the news this afternoon. You know that car of his was his prized possession. Now it’s just a cookie sheet. He better get to baking!” Sunshine hooted.
“Oh my…” Nadia stood to her full height, feeling a wave of lightheadedness.