Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 117363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 587(@200wpm)___ 469(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 587(@200wpm)___ 469(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
“Well,” Renee said when he trailed off, “isn’t that reason enough to keep living? To rediscover simple delights one moment at a time, I mean. I used to count them on my fingers, reassuring myself there was still good in the world and reminding myself to keep looking for those blessings. Butterflies, fresh-baked bread, the crunch of leaves on an autumn morning, so on and so forth.
“They don’t have to be profound,” she said when she saw Jean’s lost expression. “I started with one: the scent of fresh-cut grass. The first time I really noticed it was a few months after I moved in with Stephanie. She came in from mowing the lawn to make us both brunch, and it was the first time I felt like I was home.” Her love was so tender it looked like grief as it curled her mouth and made her eyes shine. “What you hold onto is less important than the act of holding on itself. It’s so easy to get lost in ourselves and this world. Sometimes you need to find your way back one tiny miracle at a time.”
“I don’t believe in miracles,” Jean said.
“I have enough faith for us both,” Renee promised. “I know one will find you sooner or later. In the meantime, find what will keep you alive, and then find the little things hidden beneath it. This could be the fresh start you need,” she said, resting her hand atop USC’s paperwork. “A new school, a different team, and enough sunlight to chase away Evermore’s shadows. They are willing to take a chance on you. Aren’t you?”
“I don’t trust them,” Jean said.
Renee’s smile was patient. “I mean, aren’t you willing to take a chance on you?”
“I don’t have a choice,” Jean said. “He will kill me if I don’t have a team.”
Renee considered that for a few moments. “The way Neil explained it to me, all Ichirou wants from you is the lion’s share of your earnings. It’s a lot to ask for, yes, but if his interest stops and starts with your bank accounts, then everything outside of those numbers is still within your control. Whether you have fun playing, where you go between games, who you spend your time with, that’s all your choice. You could create a new life for yourself.”
Renee’s phone trilled with an incoming message, saving Jean the trouble of coming up with an intelligent response. “Dan,” she said by way of apology. “She’s on the way back to Fox Tower with our takeout. If you were a bit more mobile, I’d invite you over to eat with us. If you’re in the mood for company, I could ask them over here instead?”
“Go,” he told her, and rapped his knuckles on his papers in an agitated rhythm. “I have to sort this out.”
Renee slid off the bed and started for the door. Two steps later she changed her mind and returned to him. She caught his face in a careful grip and leaned in to press a soft kiss to his temple.
“Believe in yourself,” she said. “It will all work out.”
She left him staring after her. When the door closed, Jean reached up and dug his fingernails in the gentle heat she’d left on his skin.
If he could write Renee off as an ignorant wretch, maybe she wouldn’t rattle him so much, but she’d told him a month ago what it cost her to get to this point. She’d been violated and abused, had bloodied her hands to the point she still saw shadows there sometimes, and had taken her sweet time carving a man up to repay everything he’d ever done to her. How she’d found the strength to climb out of that pit when no one else thought her worth saving, Jean didn’t know, but hand over bloodied hand she’d scaled the wall. She’d chosen life; she’d chosen hope. She’d chosen second chances, and now she was watching to see if he would follow.
He could—he should—go back to Evermore. He should reject the loophole Kevin offered him, no matter how real the threat sounded. With Ichirou in the mix, surely things would be different? It felt like a lie even as he tried to feed it to himself, and Jean thought he tasted blood. Even the Ravens didn’t know the extent of what happened to Jean behind closed doors, and Ichirou would be so much further away. So long as Riko didn’t take Jean off the court again, he wasn’t interfering with Ichirou’s plans for Jean’s future. He could do whatever he liked.
He might not kill me, so I should go back, Jean thought. I am Jean Moreau. My place is at Evermore. But—
Going back meant marching back to hell on his own strength. And maybe Jean knew all the demons there by name and had a familiar spot carved out for himself amongst the flames, but hell was still hell, and there was an open door at his back with Ichirou’s name on it.