Total pages in book: 55
Estimated words: 51407 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 257(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 171(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 51407 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 257(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 171(@300wpm)
I know better than to take those words at face value. It’s only been a week, and a tumultuous one at that. Love has happened faster on occasion, so it’s not that I don’t believe in the feeling. I have no doubt she believes it.
The circumstances give me pause, though. My Insomnior Court and I are, by all accounts, the first true kindness she’s experienced without some kind of ulterior motive . . . Except we do have an ulterior motive, don’t we? I made her wait a week to make her decision about having a baby, but if she still wants to do it, I can’t say no. If I did, my people would be justified in asking me to step down as leader, and the next leader would accept Belladonna’s sacrifice.
I trace my claws just above her body, a bare inch away from her skin so as not to wake her. No, I won’t let someone else make that choice. If she insists on doing this thing, then I’ll have to allow her to do it.
But love?
For a moment, I allow myself to picture it. A life where she stays, where we have a child or multiple children, whether she bears them or I do, or maybe neither of us. A life spent striving for peace, both internal and external. And, sometime far in the future, two old folks sitting in the shade and watching the people we love flourish.
Want wells up inside me, a deep and all-consuming thing. It doesn’t make sense to crave that future with a woman I barely know, but I’m not the kind of person who spends overmuch time worrying about what should be, only what is.
I care deeply about Belladonna, and I want a future with her. I want her to stay. I want to keep her and for her to keep me, whatever that may look like for us.
It scares me how desperately I want that.
She stirs, her eyes slowly blinking open. “What time is it?”
“Too early with how late we fell asleep.”
Her lips curve in a satisfied smile that makes my heart flip. “It’s worth it.”
She stretches slowly, arching her back in a way that makes my mouth go dry even though I know without a shadow of a doubt that she’s not trying to seduce me. She shifts onto her side and studies me. “You look like you’re thinking very hard about something.”
“Nothing that needs to be talked about now.” I don’t want to do anything to bruise this lovely moment. Any talk of the future will do that. Instead, I brush her newly shorn hair back from her face. “I know you enjoy spending time in the gardens, but I was hoping to steal you away for the day.” The plan comes together as I say it. I’ve been intent on sharing her with as many of my people as possible, for both her and their benefit. But after last night, I’m feeling a bit selfish. I want to keep her attention all for myself.
“Steal me away?” She smiles wider. “What did you have in mind?”
I didn’t have anything in mind when I said it, but suddenly there’s an easy and perfect answer. “I want to take you shopping.”
Instantly, she withdraws. Not physically, aside from the slightest flinch, but walls come down between us. Gods, I can almost see the poisonous whispers in the back of her mind, can imagine their shape and viciousness.
“Belladonna.” I don’t mean to put a snap into my voice, but it works—she meets my eyes, and she’s here with me, not with them in that dark past. I hold her gaze. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I will never force you into anything. But before you say no, I would like you to take a moment and think about what you really want—not what you think you should want.”
She sighs and flops onto her back. “I’m that transparent?”
“In some ways.” In others, I feel like no matter how hard I strive, I can’t quite reach her. “If you don’t want to go shopping, we can do something else.”
She’s silent long enough that I know she’s actually thinking about it, which is all that I ask. Finally, she nods. “I do want this. I can’t promise that I won’t go dark during the process, but I’ll do my best to be in the moment instead of worrying about what I should be doing.” She takes my hand and laces her fingers through mine. “Though if you really want to keep me distracted, I can think of a few ways.”
I almost tease her about being insatiable, but I don’t want that to come across as a criticism, so I just press her down onto the bed. We have plenty of daylight left. No reason not to enjoy ourselves . . .