Total pages in book: 55
Estimated words: 51407 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 257(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 171(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 51407 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 257(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 171(@300wpm)
She’s silent up the stairs and down the hall, but as we reach her door, Belladonna digs in her heels. “You have to know how abnormal it is for things to be this easy, this good. Surely you can understand why it feels like a trap?”
Her words hurt, little cuts that make me bleed. I refuse to show it. It’s not her fault. “What is normal, Belladonna?”
She opens her mouth, but I press forward.
“Is it guilt and shame poured onto the shoulders of the young, a thousand instances of telling them that that they’re flawed and dirty and wrong?” I shake my head. “That’s not my normal. It never will be. I understand that this is a large change for you—for both of us—and it’s difficult to process, but what you feel over natural desires is not normal—if such a thing even exists.”
Her mouth works, and I almost leave without waiting for her to find her words. But that would be cruel and selfish in its own right. She slumps back against the door frame, then finally speaks. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.” I take a breath and try to temper the sharpness of my tone. “Please.”
“It’s proper to apologize when one is wrong,” she says tartly, but the sass fades immediately. “How does your god feel about shame and guilt?”
I shrug. “I don’t have an easy answer for you, little one. Those emotions are part of life. It’s only when they take over and unbalance everything that it’s a problem. We don’t have a set of rules to follow. We use our instincts. Worship and faith look a little different for each individual.”
“I don’t understand that,” she whispers. “I’m trying to, but it’s so hard to unlearn things that were drilled into my head as fact for so long.”
“Give yourself grace. It’s only been a week.”
She shifts from foot to foot. “Rusalka?”
“Yes?”
Belladonna opens the door and steps into her room. “Would you like to come in?” She must see the polite refusal in my face, because she straightens her shoulders. “Would you like to come in and stay? The night. Naked, preferably. If you want to.”
I blink. Of all the things I anticipated her saying, this wasn’t on the list. I tentatively taste her emotions, half-sure that she’s using me to flog herself, but her shame is a dull undertone compared to her bright desire. Her feelings aren’t purely lust either. She . . . cares.
She cares, and she’s reaching out in tentative faith. Even if I didn’t want her desperately, I wouldn’t refuse her this. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” Her gaze flicks to my shoulders as if she can still see the fire that appears when I lose control. “Will it burn me?”
“No. It’s not that kind of fire.” My fire can be a weapon in battle, but it takes conscious effort and it’s incredibly draining. In bed play, using it is as natural as breathing, same as the incubi’s shadows. An extension of self. I clear my throat. “You don’t have to sleep with me in order to stay here, little one. I’m not monster enough to require that. It’s the antithesis of everything we are.”
She smiles, sweet and a little pleased. “I know.” She steps back, and her hands go tentatively to the hem of her shirt. “I want you, Rusalka. I want you so desperately, it’s like a fever in my blood. Even when I’m up to my elbows in dirt in the garden, you’re all I can think about.”
I follow her into the room and shut the door, but I still hesitate to close the distance between us. Foolish, maybe, considering the orgasms I teased out of her just a short time ago, considering the fact that I can still scent myself on her lips. But then, I’ve been foolish when it comes to this woman from the moment we met. “I don’t want to inadvertently harm you by moving too fast.”
Her lower lip quivers, and she makes a visible effort to still it. “It’s because you care so much that I want this. Because you’re you. I had fun with Zhenya, Inna, and Danik, but they aren’t you. If I just wanted sex, I would find someone else, but that’s not what I want.”
The last of my resistance fades away. How could it do anything else when she’s standing before me, so fucking brave that it takes my breath away? “I care about you, too.”
“I know.” Belladonna smiles, and some of the tension fades away. “I know,” she repeats.
“If at any point, you change your mind, this stops with no negative consequences. Whether that’s tonight or three weeks or three years from now.” I reach out slowly and lace my fingers through hers. “Never doubt that you’re safe with me.”
“I know I am.” She laughs, the sound kind of tentative but true. “Rusalka, please take off your clothes.”