Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 72897 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72897 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
“I really am,” he said, like he was remarking on something that was just plain fact. “I don’t think I’ve spent a day of my life not loving you.”
His words made my sternum ache. I needed to sit down, and not in the fucking leather seat. By the balcony doors, there was a chess table with ridiculous-looking, stupidly fancy chairs.
I pulled one out and sat down, forcing myself to look out the window instead of at him. It was snowing again, very lightly this time, a slow cascade of tiny flakes blue against the night sky.
Why had I been running for so many years?
Why had my life been essentially on pause, as I struggled to figure out what I was even meant to do?
I was so tired of holding back. So tired of being a person who lived on scraps, both literally and figuratively. I wanted to indulge. I wanted it deep in my bones, the kind of craving that feels inevitable.
I wanted so, so much. And when I was with Sebastian, I couldn’t stop that wanting.
“This is another world,” I said quietly, shaking my head. “I feel like I stepped out of the timeline of my life and into… a different one entirely.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was so fucking alone, Sebastian,” I said, my tone coming out more intense than I’d meant it to be.
He looked at me like I’d just struck him.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered.
“I don’t want an apology,” I said, letting out a long breath. “I just need you to understand. I need you to know how it feels to step into this world. It feels wrong, almost. Tangerines and chocolates and servants and staff.”
“It’s too much,” he said. “I know.”
“It’s too perfect,” I said.
“Perfect? I thought you hated it all.”
“I hate it and yet I don’t. Why is it such a contradiction?”
“Tell me about it,” he said. “I hated this place for so many years, and I still feel it pulling me in.”
“Exactly,” I said. “Exactly. I feel pulled in. Like I couldn’t resist if I tried.”
I didn’t know if I was talking about the castle itself or Sebastian, at this point. The way he was looking at me made me feel like there was a magnetic current between us.
“We don’t have to do anything, you know,” Sebastian said. “If you aren’t comfortable, I can take you home at any point.”
“I don’t think I want to leave,” I murmured, looking at him as heat rose in my body. “I should want to. I should be running far away from here. But I’m not.”
He lifted an eyebrow.
I was supposed to protect myself from him. I was supposed to stay the hell away so that I never got hurt again.
But I knew there was no chance in hell I was staying away anymore.
“I’m tired of holding back,” I said. “I’ve been holding back for eleven years.”
“Henry…” he said softly.
I shook my head. “I think I knew I was never going to be able to say goodbye tonight,” I whispered.
I saw him swallow, watching his Adam’s apple move.
“I don’t ever want to say goodbye to you.”
“So come over here and kiss me,” I said, not breaking his gaze.
I wanted to wait. I wanted to watch him get up, cross over to me, and draw him into my arms for a kiss.
But the second he set his scotch down and got up off of that sofa, I couldn’t stop myself. I stood and closed the gap between us, gripping his shirt and pulling him toward me.
I kissed his lips, so plush and warm and every fucking thing I wanted in the world. Sebastian’s kiss felt like an answer to the last eleven long years. An answer to my constant question of what I needed, where I belonged.
I belonged here, even though I didn’t.
“I want everything, Sebastian,” I whispered. “I want all of you.”
“Fuck,” he whispered. His fingers were trembling as he reached out to grasp my shoulders, his gaze dancing across mine.
“If you want it,” I said, trailing my fingers down his chest. “Only if you want it.”
“I really do,” he breathed, clutching me close. “All of the time. Constantly. It’s painful, actually.”
I pressed my lips to his. “You have me,” I whispered. “Right now.”
“I also want you naked,” he said. “Very naked. Can that happen?”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
10
Sebastian
I used to feel like my secrets were thrilling. They were small ways to get through each day of my monotonous life at the castle, little injections of adrenaline that I’d never be able to get anywhere else.
Now I realized that every stupid secret I’d had over the past years was a joke.
Watching Henry strip off his shirt, revealing planes of taut, toned muscle, almost made me feel like I was floating somewhere above the room, witnessing this rather than being a participant. This was what I had needed. What I had been searching for, unknowingly, for years and years. Every little thrill-seeking thing I’d done was nothing compared to this.