Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 76573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
“I know, I know,” he said, sitting up. “But I think you’re right.”
I paused for a moment, hating myself and being proud of myself all at once. “I really care about you. And your kids. The whole life you’re trying to rebuild for yourself right now. And I’m just not sure if you’re… if both of us are ready.”
“So you’re saying we should actually follow some rules, for once?”
“I believe in balance in all things,” I said. “So, yeah. Maybe I should make myself follow a damned rule for once.”
I watched him nod at me, agreeing. “Okay,” he said. “We’ll follow the rules. As long as we can be there for each other.”
“Exactly.”
I felt like my body was struggling to contain some sort of molten hot core. I wanted Cam. Of course I fucking wanted him. Every cell in my body was crying out to pull him in close to me again, to get as close to him as humanly possible, but for once in my life, I tried to contain myself.
I could do this. Even if it felt impossible.
9
Cam
Over the next few weeks, Luke and I slowly started to build a real friendship. We seemed to find random reasons to end up at each other’s houses, always with some sort of task in mind. He’d come by to give me a new tool or flowers to plant; I’d show up at his place asking him questions or needing help with something.
We were friends.
Real friends.
He was good eye candy too, but that didn’t mean I had to act on it.
And at night, I talked with Phlox. It was much safer to keep any thoughts of future relationships online, in the BackOutThere app, anyway. In my messages there, I could control the pace. I let myself fantasize about a man I’d never even seen before, because there were no consequences.
I actually started to wish that Phlox would talk to me more.
We chatted about a little of everything. He told me his dream vacation would be to go to the Swiss alps. I told him I wanted a dog in the future. He told me when he was a kid he wanted to be a pilot, and I told him I’d always just wanted to play logic games and solve puzzles.
The important part was that he was always there for me. So many nights I sent messages when I was lonely, expecting to get nothing in return until the next day.
But he always responded. He always took time to talk to me. And because of him, I didn’t feel as alone. Especially on nights when all I craved—and knew I shouldn’t crave—was to be in Luke’s arms.
Today I’d been floating around my house, cleaning small things and folding laundry, checking my phone every half hour to see if he’d responded to me. It was Saturday morning. I’d sent a few messages two nights ago, and still hadn’t heard back.
I opened my phone again, re-reading what I’d sent.
>>LittleBit: I know this might sound like too much, but would you be comfortable video chatting sometime? I’d love to see your face. To get to know you that much better.
Three hours after I’d sent it, I’d second guessed the hell out of it, sending another text.
>>LittleBit: No pressure. Don’t want to complicate things any more than they need to be.
But that was two nights ago, and now I’d had forty-eight hours to chew over every possible reaction he’d had inside my head. It was agonizing.
After another hour of trying and failing to not check my phone, I was at my wits’ end.
I needed to get out of the damn house.
I tossed on a pair of pants, sneakers, and a T-shirt and headed out the door. The sky was a bold, clear blue, dappled with puffy clouds, and the true summer warmth was starting to come out.
I started walking aimlessly and of course, before long, I found myself heading in the direction of Luke’s house. I snaked my way through Amberfield, from the slightly bigger homes to the slightly smaller ones, rounding the corner of Luke’s quiet little street.
My body felt good. It had been too long since I’d just walked around town like this, a nice, long, ambling journey. I could feel the good burn in my calves, and I ran the rest of the way to his house, the breezy air counteracting the summer heat. By the time I got to Luke’s I felt more alive, stronger, and energized.
It didn’t matter if Phlox wasn’t messaging me back. I had a good life, all on my own.
When I got to Luke’s, I unlatched the gate to the backyard, heading in. He’d told me that I could come on back whenever I liked, and I knew that he typically had Saturdays off from work. Every time I’d come over, I had always found him in the greenhouse or doing yardwork.