Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 90682 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 453(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 302(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90682 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 453(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 302(@300wpm)
The idea makes me smile.
I toss my vibrator on the bed, climb in with my phone, and tap open the app. First, I check to see which men have swiped on me, aware that I only have a few short days before the free trial period is over, and I have to pay.
Fine.
I can get a date in a few short days!
I am woman, hear me roar!
Me: How’s it going tonight?
Brian: Hey there
No punctuation, and he certainly didn’t give me an answer.
Me: Did you have a good day?
Brian: It was all right—you?
Me: It was a day, that’s for sure LOL. I have a guy doing repairs on my deck, and the old lady next door threatened to call the cops on him.
Brian: Ha, is he a good-looking dude?
Um.
That’s a weird thing to ask.
Me: I hadn’t noticed. But anyway—it has to get done, so I’m glad he’s here doing it.
Me: What’d you actually do today?
Brian: Eh, the same old shit, right?
No. I have no idea what the same old shit is, and I’m annoyed I have to keep asking. Was Brian always like this? A bit removed?
I inhale, bracing myself to take charge.
Me: So I was wondering if you’re free tomorrow night? My calendar opened up, and we could get that quick drink?
Brian: Sure, that works.
Okay…
Me: Great. How about 7 at Blue Door?
Brian: Cool, that’s a block from my apartment.
Oh awesome. I just made it that much easier for him to get there. He won’t be able to say traffic made him late—ha!
Me: Great. I’m excited!
Brian: Me too.
But.
That’s all he says.
So I leave him with: See you tomorrow!
“Please let him be better in person,” I mumble, fingers crossed, wishing it were 11:11 so I could make a wish.
It’s going to be fine, I tell myself. The date will be great even if there isn’t a romantic connection. The main thing is, you’re putting yourself out there!
Duke: Knock, knock…
My face instantly lights up, excitement growing.
Me: Who’s there?
Duke: Can I come in?
Me: Can I come in… who?
Duke: Okay but just this once.
I stare at this joke, trying to make sense of it.
Me: It would have made more sense if you’d said, “Can I come in YOU.”
Duke: Oh. I guess you’re right. DAMMIT
Me: LOL
Duke: I was trying to be clever, but I don’t really know any good jokes and had to Google one.
Me: The Google did you dirty LOL
Duke: Yeah, apparently you’re way better at dirty jokes than I am. Plus, I didn’t want you to think I was a fucking pervert in here jacking off or something.
Me: Literally would not have thought that.
Me: But speaking of jerking off…
Duke: ???
Me: I might have done that already.
Duke: Tonight?
Me: LOLOL yes.
It’s strange chatting Duke up as if he were a stranger when he’s in the next room. Even more so now that I’ve masturbated to the thought of him, hands still drying as I message him through the dating app.
The whole thing is SO WEIRD!!!
And about to get weirder.
There’s an actual knock on my bedroom door. A pounding, more like it, as if a Neanderthal were on the other side of it having himself a hissy fit.
“Yeah?”
It flies open, hitting the wall behind it.
“Shit. Sorry.”
I throw my blankets off me, rising, stalking over toward my roommate, whose massive body is taking up the entire doorway.
Tan. Bare-chested. Masculine.
He smells like a fresh shower, and his hair is wet, too.
And he has a bone to pick with me, apparently.
“Why would you say a thing like that?”
“Why would I say a thing like what?”
Duke’s eyes roam down the front of my body; over my boobs, hips, legs.
“That thing about…” He blushes. “Jerkin’ off.”
“So? So what I said jerking off! What has gotten into you?” My hands are back on my hips where they always seem to be now that he’s around. “You can’t just barge in here. It’s rude! What if I was naked?”
“I knocked.” His eyes graze over me again. “Wait. You are practically naked. Where are your clothes?”
I glance down. “This is my house and my bedroom, and these are pajamas.” What on earth is wrong with him? “What the hell do you want?”
He’s mirroring my stance. “It’s one thing to tell a dirty joke outside in broad daylight. It’s another thing to be flirtin’ in a datin’ app from the next room.”
One thang…flirtin’…datin’ app…
The accent.
“This is news to me.” And who made him lord of everything? I feel the need to go on and inform in. “In any case, I have good news.” I head back to my bed, climbing on it but not under the covers. “I have a date tomorrow night.”
“A date,” he deadpans, sounding unenthusiastic. “What am I gonna do while you’re out on a date?”
“What am I, your babysitter? You’ll be fine. Stream a movie.”
He enters the room and makes himself comfortable on the edge of my bed, half on, half off.